hellonwheels's picture

so this will be kinda a general update

still livin in seattle and attempting to bike alot. lol. as far as work, might be out of a job soon, like so many others affected negatively by this currrent economy. but on the plus side, gun sales are up. sold a couple AR-15 variants today and some other stuff which will hopefully help my dad out- his med bills are reaching $4500/mo...fucking healthcare system in the US of A.

so my dad is doing better, which is good. I just got into college and will probably be quitting my job or going to part time and goign to school and racing next season w/ some friends.

which actually brings me to one of the main points of this update. recently, one of my friends from my himetown i grew up w/ came out. at first, we all thought it was a joke, since he put bi on his myspace profile like so many kids do as a joke....btu then, one night about a month ago...he posted a bulletin saying...i just made 3 major changes to my profile. i guessed 'em right away. gay, changed background and a like for extremely exotic foreign autos. lol.

so anyway...a few weeks after he came out...we started chatting a little more. he invited me to go and meet up w/ him at the local 'q' centeres bowling event a few weeks ago. since i was gonna be back in my hometown to get my computer worked on that night, i said sure. so i went...but there were no queens or queers @ the alley...jsut my redneck buddies from said town autoshop and friends from around drinkin and bowling on all lanes. so said friend txtd me back saying we went to a pizza place...srry bro.

but he also called me that night and invitedme to go and see MILK the following night in seattle, so i was like...yeah, seems like an interesting movie...meet you guys over there.

so in one night, not only did i find out the truth about said friend i never thought would be gay, but also...one of his girl friends was trying to set him up w/ this guy caelan, who it turns out i knew as a kid...the plot thickens. lol. lots of kids were there that night, so i guess more ppl i thought i knew were str8 turned out to be gay or q. weird shit.

ao we ended out at opening night for milk, in seattle's cap hill neighborhood, which is predominately homo...now for those of you who may have known me- that is a HUGE step. just going to a movie w/ an openly gay guy, in a predominately gay ghetto...woulda never happened twp years ago.

so i found milk to be a good movie...which of course it would be-i mean, gus van sant produced it. but anyway...at the end of the movie, we all went to get Dicks (hamburger joint, for those who don't know) and then when we got home that night, said friend im'ed me on myspace.

he starts talking about the pride foundation scholarships he heard about from the 'q'' center, but he was nervous about it because he didn't want to come out to his dad...and upon reading that...all i could think was....you n me are in the same place right now bro.

so we've been chatting a little bit more lately, but it brought me to thoughts. i have been thinking alot about coming out lately. i mean, my mom already told me she'd love me either way...and my dad, who would have killed me, no longer has any gones or the mental capacity to shoot them....so i'm fairly safe, right?

i've been talking to david...aka hyacinthus about it alot lately, but i am still kinda unsure of what i want to do. on the plus side, i did go see milk again on my birthday w/ david...followed by a killer 3 inches of blood show. lol.

i guess im at that point now where i have a lot of fucking decisions to make. i was so overloaded and depressed the other night thinking about it all and stress at work, i found myself staring down the barrel of a loaded .45...and if it weren't for david im'ing me from fed way, i might not be typing this right now.

on the good side of things, although i may be out of a job soon, at least i got into college! so i am left w/ the dilemna of do i come out or don't i and how will that affect my life? i guess i'll figure it all out in time. david seems to think i should come out to said friend, but i don't know if i am ready to do that or not...although i may have already. he seems to think i know about the seattle gay scene and shit...and also i sent him a message telling him my shrink is on the pride foundation's scholarship board and that jordin got a 40k scholarship a few years back. im kinda screwed anyway. lol.