First off, Auckland is NOT big, but I feel so small and I'm just another guy - who happens to love other boys, yet so unable to realise these affections he has.
But not because he can't love, but only because he feels the guys he knows, the experiences he's had, the stories he's heard, had rendered him disillusioned and unable to find the right person who can appreciate his love. He's just too cynical about love.
Actually, maybe he cannot love.
Anyways, must stop talking in third person. And stop all that poetic shit (see, third person again). And THAT is so um, emo? I think the boys I know are too high maintenance (in a multitude of different ways - but maybe I'm just equally demanding), and I sometimes wonder if I am an attractive person. I like to think maybe at least slightly, but how I'm unable to retain their attention for longer periods of time makes me think otherwise.
I don't know why. I have a bunch of straight guy friends and they are the coolest people ever. They are so lovely and we get along so well. Even when I meet a new guy we get along just fine. However, when the guy is gay/bi and also know I'm also gay, things just start going downhill MOST of the time. And I don't mean instantly, I mean after like a while (could be days or weeks), because it seems like we have to start playing the "de facto relationship" game.
Just another reason to say FUCKING BOYS. But this time, only the gay ones. Mostly.