It Was the Worst of Times. Now It's the Best of Times...

Anonymous's picture

Things have changed for me...in a hugely fundamental way. I can't really explain without a long, involved story, but it has to do with something many of you know about - a certain...guy. Let's just say that this heretofore missing ghost returned a couple foggy nights ago, and we had some very encouraging words.

Then tonight, we had more encouraging words....encouraging words from him to me, typed on an IM screen. Three words that he had never said before. After that, a phone call, and more of the same. Two hours on the phone and a lot of talking, and a lot of those three words ka-kloping back and forth like a gentle and very friendly game of ping-pong, where no one was trying to score off the other. By the time we had hung up, life for both of us was foundationally different - we had started a new phase in our existence...not just in his or my life, but in our life together...something I know for certain now that we both want.

It's going to take time. As Jimmy Cliff sang, "We've got many rivers to cross". But a dam has given way; a wall has been torn down. No machines were used - only love, patience and pain, in equal and copious quantities, over two long years. Now we can move on to our next crossing. Hopefully it won't take so long as this one did, but if it does, I'll be ready.

For every human, I like to believe, there is one perfect person - a person whose love is able to meld and combine their soul together with yours. I think many never find these true soulmates, though they can certainly find happiness with another who loves them. If you do find yours, though, don't let anything discourage you...not even their own doubts. If they are your soul mate, you will know it, and if you're patient, loving, forgiving, and never give up on them, they will hopefuly one day realize it too, no matter what horrors the world was inflicting on them while they stood, waiting and hoping for you to come along.

I hope that you all experience this one day. I thought I had already been in love, and become jaded about love. Truthfully, I had, and I had, but as much as I did for him, he did for me by showing me that a 43 year old man could be passionately, seriously in love, while at the same time giggling and grinning foolishly like a teenager with his first crush. The other problems are still there...HIV mismatch, a man half my age, issues of family acceptance...but now we have crossed that first stream, and made our pledges to one another. We know that from now on, we will weather all the storms together, as a bonded pair, sharing one umbrealla as we dash toward the front door of our new home, and ultimately, to the warmth and coziness of our bed.

I love you so very much...my Jon, my Dark Angel. Always and Forever starts today. We're both scared now, Sunshine, but from now on, we're both in this together.

"We are the music makers, and we are
the dreamers of dreams."- Willie Wonka

Comments

patnelsonchilds's picture

ADDENDUM: Gaaahhh!!!!

OMG, I was so sleep-deprived and giddy when I wrote this last night, but I meant every word of it, and I'm still giddy today!!! There'll be more tough times to deal with, but I'm ready for them now.

Thanks all of you. You're always there to support me when I'm down (and when I'm up, too), and I'm going to be here for you and any other kids (sorry, young person) I can possibly help for as long as I exist in my current physical state. That's a promise.

Yes, I know...I'm a complete dork. Feel free to comment on my complete dorkiness. I've just had so few moments of this kind of happiness in my lifetime that I'm kind of on emotional overload right now. I'm not trying to beat you all over the head with it. Besides just sharing, I guess my point is that if magic can happen to me, it can happen to anyone...so you should never, ever lose hope. And it is SO magic...honest to Dumbledore, abracadabra, thus-read-Loganthar-the-words-from-the-ancient-scroll, fucking MAGIC!!!

I have to go call my mom now. Given the turbulent rollercoaster (absent the safety guards) of my relationship with my honey over these past two years, I'm not sure how she's going to take this news, but ultimately, I think she'll be happy for me (and undoubtedly, in typical mom fashion, somewhat worried as well).

I love you guys so much. Sometimes you've been the only stars in my sky, and I do appreciate it.

Hugs,
Patrick (the dork)

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Maas's picture

lol. You sound like a fifth

lol.
You sound like a fifth grade school girl. It's kinda cute and sweet.

I hope everything's smooth sailin'. =]

bulldyke's picture

okay, i'm half asleep, half

okay, i'm half asleep, half DEAD more like it, so i only read about half of this, plus your add on, but

YAY! you sound blissfully happy (and yeah, like a young teenage girl, but in a really cute way!), so i'm happy for you. :D

*hug*

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

patnelsonchilds's picture

I was probably a young

I was probably a young teenage girl in a past life. :P

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

bulldyke's picture

hey, me too! :P

hey, me too! :P lol

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

Splash's picture

:-)

This actually brought a huge smile to my face. I think your happiness is coming through so strongly that the whole "complete dorkiness" thing is really just sweet. So hooray! Thanks for sharing the joy with us. :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

centerfielder08's picture

Aw :)

Aw...such a sweet note. And inspiring too.
Good luck with all your indevours(however you spell that word)

commander147's picture

heh, you are a dork.... but

heh, you are a dork.... but ill grant you, a good author.... but still a dork....

--
We are constantly telling our stories, only sometimes with our words

patnelsonchilds's picture

Who can argue with a

Who can argue with a compliment like that?

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

WantsOut's picture

Pat, I love you... I'm so...

Pat, I love you... I'm so... Well, I'd like to say I'm happy for you. I'm ealous, I don't feel so good about it, but I'm happy that you're happy. Still jealous, but happy.

I hope this goes well for you, my gut says not so much.

Dear God, I'm a terrible person, fucking up a happy post with my shitty ideas and fucked up emotions.

Feel good Pat, ignore me, you deserve to be happy. You're an awesome guy, Pat, and you deserve this sor of giddiness. Enjoy it.