Mum still thinks I'll die from AIDS

scandalboy's picture

Mum and I had a talk last night, she's upset. She's in shock and it's going to take her a while to get used to it. Like I said, she was quiet and distant since I told her, and last night I asked her what was wrong and she exploded just a little bit. And her reaction hurt me. So I got on the phone with my bestie - who's been great with all this, helping me with my coming out - and told him what's been going down. He was like, go talk to her, and then call me back and tell me how it goes. So I did just that, felt right to address it.

Mum's concerned about me - the HIV/AIDS issue, gay bashers and being discriminated against in the workplace. Plus she said it was the last thing on her mind, she didn't see it coming at all. I think both of us need to give each other some space. I feel like she's underestimating me a bit, like all of these things haven't occured to me before....like wearing a condom. She said that she knew I never had a girlfriend, but that I was studious and enjoyed studying and would get a GF later....

first of all, LOL. I NEVER fucking studied at school. I was busy getting drunk and having crushes on straight boys.

So, the rational part of me totally understands her point of view and that I need to give her time, etc. But the irrational part is screaming GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND STOP TREATING ME LIKE AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT IN MY OWN HOME.

Comments

Maas's picture

Just be monogamous, use a

Just be monogamous, use a condom or dental dam and choose your partners carefully.

I'm pretty sure that you're just as concerned about your health as she is.

jeff's picture

Eh...

You had your time to sort through all this and make sense of it all. You got to do it privately.

Now she has to do it, but openly. Just give her space.

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook and MySpace.

Riku's picture

Yeah, my mom was kind of

Yeah, my mom was kind of weird about it when I first came out to her too. She'll come around eventually. Give her some time.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Look, as the resident expert

Look, as the resident expert on the whole HIV thing, let me just say this: there's nothing wrong with test-driving a few cars, or even a whole bunch of cars before you buy one. Yes, the chances of a mishap will naturally increase the more partners you have, but that's not really the biggest risk. Unless you're one of the few who just doesn't give a shit about safety at all, the biggest risk is when you get to the point where you begin to fall in love with a guy. That's where you stand the greatest chance of fucking up and getting careless. No matter how well you think you know someone, you can NEVER assume that your partner is HIV-free. People can lie and people can cheat, even people you love, and it only takes ten minutes of misplaced trust, laziness...whatever, to change your life forever. In short, if you always assume (kypothetically) that your partner is HIV+, and take the requisite precautions, you will stand relatively little chance of being infected not only with the HIV virus, but with any of several other nasty STDs as well.

As there seems to have quite a few boys active on here these days, I think it's time for a couple more posts about the myths and realities of HIV/AIDS. Not that the girls don't have to worry, especially bi girls. It's just that all the boys posting lately has kind of put the topic back onto my radar again (as if my daily medications don't do that anyway). I'll work on that this week. I have some other helpful bits of advice that I think you'll benefit from. Meanwhile, I am willing to entertain any and all questions, publicly or privately. As Jeff will attest, I am very open about my own experience.

As to your mom getting used to the idea of your being gay...Jeff is totally right. It took my mom quite awhile to get comfortable with it, and she, too, claimed that she didn't have a clue, despite a tsunami of clues that she could and probably should have picked up on. It's called denial. In time, she'll see that your life is not going to be the living hell she is imagining right now, and things will settle down. Just be patient, and try not to yell back if she yells.

Hugs,
Pat

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scandalboy's picture

Yeah, the way my mum was

Yeah, the way my mum was dealing with it was freezing me out... and my sister rang her today and gave her a mouthful along the lines of, "Snap the fuck out of it and stop treating Nic this way."

Helpful.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Good on sis, then! Well

Good on sis, then! Well done!

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Please visit my Facebook Profile and add me as a friend.
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- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong ga

scandalboy's picture

Yeah, i was totally happy

Yeah, i was totally happy with it! I love my sister.