Am I gay?

cwatts's picture

Hi,

My name is Chris and I am 26 years old. I grew up in a very religiously devout house with a dominate mother and I say this to set you up. I recently in the last six months have begun to use my own mind to discover my beliefs versus my parents conditioning and this is something we all as people go through.

My problem is that I cant figure out my sexuality at all Im so confused.
I have had sex with approx 5 women in my life and I get hit on alot but Im not as excited by the thought of (execuse me for being rude) sucking a guy through a bathroom stall. My sexual thoughts are of men only but penatration scares me.

I even have begun to look according to my friends like a "gay" man whatever that means, I just think waxing and plucking his good grooming gay or not....

Anyhow I am so torn because I have been taught how wrong and immoral anal penatration is but i just got back from the doctor with my father and he had a urinary track infection that turned out to be ecolie which i assume is from assfucking my mother or others ppl.

Again. I am gettng off point.... I guess I just cant figure out if I am straight or not I have had gay and straight ppl hit on me since i was 15 but truth is even today im scared to even kiss a man.

I am confused in Austin....

Anyone give me some pointers.... and I know I should just man up and go suck a dick through a whole then evaluate....but that shit scares me...

fox333's picture

i feel the same way about

i feel the same way about boys and girls (so your not alone). but what if you started out just flirting and see how that feels. then do more if you feel like it. pm me if you want to talk more.

"I feel like Nacy Drew in the mystery of the midlife crisis."
-Roger Bannister
The Stepford Wives

jeff's picture

Hmm...

yeah, sounds like you have some conditioning and stereotypes to get over.

Sucking guys through a glory hole in a restroom is how straight guys get their gay rocks off. There are very few gay guys in there.

Few people begin accepting the possibility of being gay with lustful thoughts about getting fucked. This is no indication of any future sexual activity, just the usual process. If you're attracted to guys, start there, and see what happens.

Some gay guys groom, some don't. If you're already a metrosexual, which is what you describe, then it's a shorter leap to homo/bisexual.

You do need to stop making anal sex the litmus for your feelings and desires. If you don't want to have it, don't. Many gay guys aren't into it. It means nothing to think you might be gay but not want to fuck/be fucked, aside from you being conditioned against it or just plain not wanting it.

As these things go, Austin is a great place to be confused in this manner. If you have to be questioning things in Texas, that's the best place to question it!

I'd say the last thing you should do is suck guys off to determine if you're gay. I would say that few straight guys question if they're gay, so you're already on to something.

What do you think of when you jerk off? That's a better litmus than anything else.

I think you need to work on yourself more before you start going out to prove anything.

If you think gay sex is repulsive, and you go out and have gay sex, the odds are pretty good you'll find it repulsive, even if you like it a bit, too. It will be more repulsive than enjoyable.

I assume you're out of school, so student clubs are out of the picture. So, find a way where you can socialize with gay men in a non-sexual setting, if possible? Go to a gay bookstore, an event that might have a mixed crowd, etc.

Until you're OK with the verdict being that you're gay, the quest will be a bit skewed. I sense you're rooting against it at present. "Let me suck an awful cock through a dirty hole in a bathroom and that will tell me if I'm gay?" I am gay and that doesn't interest me. bleh.

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

centerfielder08's picture

you can totally PM me about

you can totally PM me about this (I'd prefer to write my comments there rather than here) ...I went through a similar thing. i was brought up in a religious household and started questioning at the age of i think 15. well, PM me about this and I'll explain...

sofia (ELi)

jeff's picture

Hmm...

If you're trans and your name is now Eli, sign off as Eli.

Sofia is your slave name now!

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

centerfielder08's picture

It is a slave name. I'm not

It is a slave name. I'm not agirl.
-eli

gaynow's picture

You go, dude ^^ Megan:

You go, dude ^^

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

centerfielder08's picture

hah. thanks. just had an

hah. thanks.
just had an embarrasing coming out.
im a total dude.
it makes me so happy when people say i am a guy, call me eli or mister. i smile this big smile :D. like that. haha

--eli

Kkid28's picture

Gay?

As Usual, Jeff hits the nail on the head!
also Ive learned this, you dont have to do any sexual thing you dont want to. if anal isnt your thing thats ok, you dont have to gay or straight to like it or not. I know some gay guys who absolutely cant stand it, and i have straight guy whos cant get enough of it. Just have fun you'll figure out what really works for you. Questioning is an adventure, savor it and enjoy it!!!
If you need to vent, just PM! <3
"I know you can be OVERwhelmed and I know you can be UNDERwhelmed but can you just be Whelmed???
I think you can in Euorope"
-10 things i hate about you!

WantsOut's picture

Trust Jeff, as I've come to

Trust Jeff, as I've come to learn, he's always right. Except when he's wrong.

I hated myself for being gay, and quite honestly I need to not post on this because I'm depressed and your somewhat offensive glory hole comments are making me angry. Good luck anyways.

Come in here dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far, you're gonna fly, you're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try they're gonna love you!

-Have a Cigar, Pink Floyd

gaynow's picture

Err, okay, I just realized

Err, okay, I just realized that my one comment on this thread wasn't at all a response to your question. So let me try that again.

First of all, hi and welcome to Oasis. If you're confused or questioning or any of that stuff, this is a great place for it. You'll find that everyone here is supportive and wonderful, with the added bonus of having gone through most of what you are.

As to the whole gayness thing: I'm going to echo what everyone else has said and tell you to not judge your sexuality by how much you want to do a particular sexual act. I'm sure plenty of lesbians out there (myself included) are still weirded out by the idea of fingering someone, hell, plenty of straight people feel weird about penis-in-vagina sex, as a concept. Maybe anal as a concept weirds you out, and it'll all depend on the person you're doing it with. Or, maybe anal's not your thing. Which is completely and totally okay. Crazy anal sex is NOT NOT NOT a prerequisite for being a gay man. Or a straight man, or a bisexual man. It's a preference, not something you should use to judge your sexuality.

My advice to you is to not worry about the SEXUAL part of sexuality at all until you've made more progress towards figuring out everything else. Focus on the emotional/romantic part first--because it's the hardest, and once you're clearer on that, the rest will fall into place.

So, just to get it out in the open: there is NOTHING WRONG with being gay. There's a lot of attempt to make arguments against us, religious or otherwise. It's just not true. It's just a matter of loving who you love. So obviously me typing this won't do a whole lot of good, but I'll say it anyway; if you are gay, then there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. As far as figuring things out go... you'll just have to wait and see. If you can leave behind all the religious preconceptions you have of homosexuality, not be scared by it, and just leave yourself open to all possibilities, you'll figure it out. Because really, the only way you'll get any sort of difinitive answer is if you find yourself falling for some guy. And you'll go, "oh, I like this guy." And really, it doesn't matter nearly as much as everyone says it does if you like ALL men, or ALL women--it's the ones that count that count. If that makes any sense at all. Just keep in mind that sexuality is fluid and remarkably hard to pin down. Keep an open mind and deal with it as it comes. And good luck!

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Adam A's picture

MEOW

jeff is so not always right!!!

u'r way cute btw...why dont' you....go get some "experience" and see how it sits on you...if it's comfortable..then you'll have u'r answer...if it feels wrong, like really wrong not "i know it should be wrong"...then i guess you'll have u'r answer...but truth be told...i think the fact alone that you came on here and are having that question in u'r mind...really points in the direction of...HOMO! lol, i mean that in the best way possible....really.
good luck though stud

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I find it telling that the people who say I'm not always right provide no examples to make their case :-)

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

Adam A's picture

MEOW

who says i need examples....you just suck at life...it's evident in itself :P
i win jeff...back down or there will be oasis violence!
btw isn't it about time you sent me a "hey stud how are you" email? maybe a little flirty flirt?
MAKE MY BIRTHDAY WISHES COME TRUE!!!!!

Lol-taire's picture

Blates he's taking the

Blates he's taking the piss.

If he's not well then zut alors, and good luck to him.

The Ancient Greeks- by and large- considered anal sex dreadfully inappropriate (feminising) for free born young men. Oscar Wilde didn't like it much either.

Adam A's picture

MEOW

i never understand a thing you say woman....DAMNIT SPEAK NORMALLY!
love ya!

Lol-taire's picture

I don't think cwatts is for

I don't think cwatts is for real.

Although if he is, then fucking hell, is that what Texas is like?
If he is geniune, he needs all the luck he can get.

Like a man reaches the age of 26 thinking that domineering mothers create wretched homosexuals, who must all spend their lives cottaging without so much as raising one immaculately plucked eyebrow?

God, he probably is being serious.

jeff's picture

Eh...

I follow the advice columnist rules on Oasis. Answer everyone like they're serious, since people who will possibly find this post may be in the same boat.

---
"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

Splash's picture

unfortunately...

I think that ideal is rapidly disintegrating in this thread...

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Merric's picture

Generally speaking, Texas is

Generally speaking, Texas is not full of men with immaculately plucked eyebrows... it's full of murals of giant frogs who say, "Hi, how are you?" and graffiti saying "no more prisons" and some very lovely young women. No, I do not live there.

Adam A's picture

MEOW

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA U'R FUNNY!
i haven't a clue...not everybody is as sharp as you my little lesbifriend
he's still way cute though...girls just don't get it

Kkid28's picture

peace

hey lets all get along!
"I know you can be OVERwhelmed and I know you can be UNDERwhelmed but can you just be Whelmed???
I think you can in Euorope"
-10 things i hate about you!

Adam A's picture

meow!

we're getting along
*aims rifle*

jacjessen90's picture

oh boy, oh boy

Potterhead #1 said: "come, my child sit at my feet..." boy-o, you are in for a whole lot of hell if you resist what your body's tellin' you!!!

Adam A's picture

meow

wtf you random?

jacjessen90's picture

Potterhead #1 said were you

Potterhead #1 said were you speaking to ME with the last post????

Uncertain's picture

Tip

Sometimes when I forget I'm gay I make a trip to suck that cock casually waiting in the hole of that dirty walmart bathroom just to remind myself I like penises. How convenient.

Splash's picture

I may as well throw my two

I may as well throw my two cents in:
Who do you crush on? Men, women, or both?
Is it usually girls or guys who can put those happy butterflies in your stomach?
Who do you bond with the most strongly?
If you listen to the radio, do you think of girls or guys when they play love songs?
Do you daydream about spending your life with a man or a woman?

Sex is not the only factor in figuring this stuff out...

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

Izy's picture

When I have any confusion in

When I have any confusion in my life dealing with sexual orientation or gender I just stop thinking about it. I let it go, its the only way to keep me from going crazy. It solves itself out usually, sexuality is fluid. You can't control who you fall for or who falls for you so its best not to freak out.

Anal sex is not the only way to go. I know gay men who would never have anal sex, just like I know straight men who want to have it. What you prefer in bed is not the way to tell if you are gay or not. Look more towards who you see yourself looking at in public, who you are drawn too, who you can't keep out of your mind.
Hopefully it all works out and you won't go crazy, good luck

oldfoxbob's picture

Pounded in to you

Judging by your letter Homosexuality has been pounded in to you as being a
sin
immoral
wrong
repulsive
etc
nothing could be further from the truth. In actuality, the bible teaches us that Jonathan and David were lovers. There are only three time in the bible that gay sex is even mentioned as being wrong. However there are over 300 times that str8 sex is mentioned as being wrong. Paul taught that sex of any kind was wrong, and that man should be chast, and not partake of it except to do husbandry duty's. I think he had an inferiority complex myself.
Jeff has given you some good advise here. I agree with him totally. You need to let loose of your teachings by your parents and clergy, and look into your self, deeply and say....what do I really want to make me happy?
If you fantasize about men when masturbating then take action. SAFELY!!! Glory hole sex is NOT safe. Who knows where or what that was last in!!!!
Since you are of legal age (26) you can go into a Gay bar someplace. You are not going to run into any one there who will "Tell" on you for being there. You will find that a gay bar is more lively, entertaining, live for today for tomorrow may not be here type of place. Since you have dated women the same pick up lines will most likely work on a guy just as it did on a woman unless you mentioned breast size that is. ( humor )
My best advise is to let you hair down so to speak and get out and experiment some. Penetration is not the only thing done in gay sex. Hugging, Kissing, caressing, cuddling, and making out is all part of it too. Tell the person that you start out with that you are new to Gay sex stuff, they will most likely be gentle and guiding with you. Dont expect bells and whistles to go off all the time mind you. There are many guys out there in the same boat as you. Scared, intimidated, shy, etc. Go with the flow of things. But most of all go out there and look around. A whole new world is about to open for you. Its a great one too. Good luck
God Bless
Oldfoxbob

Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense. Humor is the best pain pill.

WantsOut's picture

I say, FUCK conventionality

I say, FUCK conventionality and act gay even if you AREN'T!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

CONVERT THE LITTLE CHILDREN!

cwatts's picture

follow up..

Thank you for all your responses. I do appreciate your honesty. Honesty over the internet is the closest thing to truth that a person can get and strangers and sometimes closer than friends.

I look back on my post and feel shame for being so foolish and immature sounding. I have come to terms with my sexuality and my beliefs. I have not come to terms with a dominate mother... and who ever said something about plucking eyebrows... that was totally her.. lol

but still its important to look your best. Especially for the right person. I actually had some experiences and learned their is something way hot and naughty about kissing a beautiful man and their is something hot (maybe not as hot) about kissing a beautiful woman. Who is anyone to judge who we love and I think that from now on I wont look at the sex of a person but look at the heart of a person.

Straight, gay bi its all a bunch of shit. Love who your heart tells you to love and I think as God exists (thinking that God is love) he created people to love.

and there is major freedom in that. Btw their are some sexy boys on this site aren't there.

Still an anal virigin maybe forever.

Yours truly cwatts

btw Im a filmmaker. I cut a trailer and about a hooker with a heart of gold. if anyone would like to see it i would love some feedback.

cwatts's picture

my feature film trailer: In the Last Hours

PS I know the music is lame... but it was free...

perple's picture

Aw :D

Aw :D