Breath out slow.

Dyke of Awesomeness's picture

Thoughts spin around in my head like a whirl pool. How can everything go from managable to crazy in a week? IU haven't been on, and I really need to be. With everything thats happening, I need a place to just breath. But I love him so much, and hes hurt so bad. And hes just like me. But I survived. I got lucky, I got out, but he, he just kept going deeper. And she just keeps talking about how much her. How hard this must be for her, and how she wishes she was still close to her, while he just sits by the way side and rots away in the sun.

I've known him for so long, hes a part of me. Hes a part of everything. And it can't end like this. So now hes leaving, to get help, and he'll be gone for a long time. And I won't see him, or talk to him, or be able to help him. Show him I love him, show him he isn't alone. But I can't. When I had the chance that woman wouldn't let me. Because she loves him, and shes killing him. Smothering him in her own issues, leaving him to be dragged down by her baggage. And I hate her for it, and that mkes me seem shallow. Because she is having a hard time with this, she has to be. But she deserves it! This is her doijng! And he; he doesn't. He was so pure, so good, so sweet. he was crying out, and I was to busy to notice. But I should have seen it. I should have helped him when I had the chance. Before all hell came down. Because now I can't help him. And I love him. I fucking love him. And I don't know if I can survive if he dies. How can I live if he's gone? We are the same person, so closely bound. I got out, I got out. I found my own way, why can't he have as well? How is it fair? How can I be happy? How can everything be working out for me, and he, he just keeps spiralling down, faster and faster into the dark abyss?

I've been there, to the bottom and back again, and I would give anything for him top not have dug deeper. For him to have talked to me, or that I had talked to him. I've peeked into the darkness, and now hes plummetted in, and I don't know how to keep from following if he doesn't come back out. We are so close, bound to each other. We came from the same place, and he is a part of me, more than a part. He is part of me, all of me, and I feel his pain as sharp as my own, because I was there, the first time, when it was me, and now, hes there, going through it all, and if hurts so much. And I don't know what to do. So I'll sit here, and breath, because there isn't anything else I can do. Breathe. Just Breathe.