I have no right

bulldyke's picture

i have no right
to be jealous of people
i love
for being happy

i have no right to be
jealous of wolf
for having a friend
a FRIEND
but i am

i have no right!
why do i feel so horrible?
why do i want to throw up
and scream?
there is no REASON!
no reason for this

i have no right...
i should be happy that she has
another friend
who cares about her
who she wants to spend time with
but i'm not...
i have no right

i have no right to be so bloody jealous
of a guy who's with a girl
who i don't even want a chance with
i have no right to want
to do the things to him that i'm thinking of
and i have no right
to feel so sick at the thought
of things i won't think about
i have no right

i have no right to feel so sick
so angry
so jealous
so...alone
i should be happy
i should be rejoycing
i should
i should
i should
i should be a good friend
a BETTER friend
and not put myself first so much
i should not care about myself
i should stop putting myself first

i have no right
to want to cry
i have no right
to want to yell
i have no right
to feel so betrayed
i have no right
NO RIGHT
but i do...

Comments

ferrets's picture

the world.......

the world tells you that you shouldnt be jealous, but to be jealous is human and unaviodable. the worlds standered is impossible to achieve.
we as gay persons should know that more then most. if you didnt feel these emoitions it would unuasual. let it out, just give it back to the planet that gave it to you.
sorry if i sound like a soup oprea today, but i just feel proufond.

hugs fom
ferrets

bulldyke's picture

no...this time it's not the

no...this time it's not the world telling me this.

i feel like a bad friend for feeling these things. it's ME, not society. being jealous isn't bad, not all the time...i mean, i hate it, but usually it makes sense. right now, though, it doesn't. it's just pissing me off, because it feels wrong to feel like this.

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

ferrets's picture

oh...........

i read it over again and see what you mean, sorry for the misinterpiation

hugs from ferrets

ferrets's picture

i just read fire,,,,,,,,,,

and i formally apoligize for trying to help

ferrets

bulldyke's picture

no...it's not about you.

no...it's not about you. it's not your fault. i'm just...not a nice person, sometimes, ya know? and i don't want to be mean to people...especially not ones i don't know, and who don't deserve to be yelled at, just for being nice. like you.

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

WantsOut's picture

People deserve to be yelled

People deserve to be yelled at for being nice when it's none of their damn buisiness, though.

And that's why I'm not being nice right now.

WantsOut's picture

AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO

AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY!

Bah, if you feel jealous, I say let that feeling stay! It will drive you to bigger and better things! If you let that feeling go, you'll end up being happy with what you've got, and that's just bullshit. ALWAYS let yourself be jealous, you have EVERY right!

hellonwheels's picture

i feel...

the same way...every day. i feel jealous of all those i love and care about because they have everything that i want but can never have, be it friends, a wife, kids, a healthy relationship. you have every right to be jealous- its in our nature.
dont feel bad about, that's all im sayin.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

bulldyke's picture

but it's stupid!!!! i

but it's stupid!!!! i shouldn't feel jealous of these things!!! especially not of wolf! i dunno....i'm just adding a layer of guilt to my jealousy...feast for..ya know, um, someone? lol

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

ferrets's picture

itsalright.............

i probley just would have been a bitch too. i understand fully. i just have one thing, sorry for all the hugs just wanted some consistinsey.

ferrets

indisguise's picture

Agreed

I know what you mean, it is too easy to get jealous, even over just one little thing!
I say let it loose; although I'm not one to talk. I bottle it all up, then one day just break down over the tiniest thing, and nobody understands it. Or me.
I also believe you have every right to feel those things, and I've rpobably interpreted this completely wrong, but I know I get...posessive...over people. Which is bad, but also unavoidable. I mean, what can you do?

<3
Indisguise
"Don't mind me if I get weak in the knees, 'cause you have that affect on me."