I'm scared

music is life's picture

I'm scared that I won't be able to take all of the criticism.
The looks.
The judgmental stares.

I plan on coming out to my Dad tomorrow. I have an amazing father. Yes, he has his moments where he can be a total ass. But don't we all? My dad has come so far, with my sister's pregnancy, me moving in.
My family is not religious by any means so I don't have to worry about any of the whole "you're going to hell!" bs cuz hell's not real.

What I'm really afraid about is the aftermath.

I'm afraid that I don't have it in me to hold my head up high when people bash me or other people. That I won't speak out and I'll just sit there.

Something in me is saying that I'm not ready, but I need to push myself.I feel like I have too.

My thoughts are all messed up and mixed together. I've never been good with words.

What I do know is that everytime that I think about it my stomach gets butterflys and I hold back tears.

They say that the more you tell people the easier it gets. I hope thats true. I'm already out to my mom and most of my friends and I'm still alive.

But I've told myself that when I tell my Dad I'm going to be completely out at school.

What if I'm not really a lesbian? That I'm just going through a phase because there hasn't been a good guy that I know or felt anything for. Or that I'm misinterpretting my feelings for girls and its just me really wanting to look like them

SO what. I care what people think about me. Why? Because I'm a good person and it makes me sick knowing that there are people out there that want me dead and they don't even know me.
Dramatic much?

Well fuck it. If I do tell my dad tomorrow it won't be the end of the world. And if I don't I'll be dissappointed but I'll live.

Comments

bulldyke's picture

*hug* you're gonna do

*hug* you're gonna do great.

i don't think any of us are ever totally ready to come out to anyone...it's fuckin scary!

it sounds like you're as ready as you'll ever be, though. and it's good to push yourself, sometimes.

i really, really hope it goes well. *hug* let us know, eh?

Bulldyke
"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

ShowMeLove's picture

Awesome! Good luck with

Awesome! Good luck with coming out to you're dad! :) I feel for you on this because I haven't come out to my dad(or anyone else for that matter...) and I get those feelings too. Like why do I even care what other people are gonna think and do? But part of me is worried for whatever reason. I hope it goes well if you do decide to come out to him tomorrow :)

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, some punished. Never was a story of more regret than this of Juliet and her fair Juliet.

Lehcure's picture

ooo. this is so great :) you

ooo. this is so great :)
you can do it!!! (i'm not much of a cheerleader)
yeah, you have a set date, set goal, looks like you got it under control. now just let the words slip, and you're out :)

Merric's picture

I know what you mean about

I know what you mean about worrying it's just a phase. Sometimes I feel that way too. But if you've gotten this far, chances are that you are absolutely right about yourself and you might as well share it with other people. Good luck.

Icarus's picture

you can do it! i know you

you can do it! i know you have it in you!

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata

indisguise's picture

i know exactly how you feel,

i know exactly how you feel, and i've experienced similar stuff, although i've never had the courage to tell anyone until recently. so good luck with telling your dad, i'm sure he'll be great about it.

jeff's picture

Cool...

Good luck with everything...

With the religious aspect not a concern, that definitely helps things along.

---
"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis