I'm scared that I won't be able to take all of the criticism.
The judgmental stares.
I plan on coming out to my Dad tomorrow. I have an amazing father. Yes, he has his moments where he can be a total ass. But don't we all? My dad has come so far, with my sister's pregnancy, me moving in.
My family is not religious by any means so I don't have to worry about any of the whole "you're going to hell!" bs cuz hell's not real.
What I'm really afraid about is the aftermath.
I'm afraid that I don't have it in me to hold my head up high when people bash me or other people. That I won't speak out and I'll just sit there.
Something in me is saying that I'm not ready, but I need to push myself.I feel like I have too.
My thoughts are all messed up and mixed together. I've never been good with words.
What I do know is that everytime that I think about it my stomach gets butterflys and I hold back tears.
They say that the more you tell people the easier it gets. I hope thats true. I'm already out to my mom and most of my friends and I'm still alive.
But I've told myself that when I tell my Dad I'm going to be completely out at school.
What if I'm not really a lesbian? That I'm just going through a phase because there hasn't been a good guy that I know or felt anything for. Or that I'm misinterpretting my feelings for girls and its just me really wanting to look like them
SO what. I care what people think about me. Why? Because I'm a good person and it makes me sick knowing that there are people out there that want me dead and they don't even know me.
Well fuck it. If I do tell my dad tomorrow it won't be the end of the world. And if I don't I'll be dissappointed but I'll live.