Hey everyone. I'm happier today. But I feel bad about that. What gives me the right to be okay right now? I mean, how can I be okay? I don't know, I'm not going to think about it. Is that just me being a coward? I don't know.
I want a girlfriend. I know, sjallow, especially with everything thats going on, but I still feel it. I feel so lonely. It shouldn't be this hard. I want to have someone to kiss, to hold, to love. I want to feel all those feelings. To feel nervous, and bubbly. I want to feel the butterflies. I don't know, but its so amazing. And to kiss sweetly, and sneak secret smiles as we try to focus in class. As we pretend to listen to our teacher. ANd sneak private glances, and hold hands in the halls, and make eye contact in the halls, and have secret, private conversations that are never really stated. I want that feeling, the one that bubbled up from the pit of your stomach when you see that one special person. And your eyes meet, and you smile. And I just . . . feel stuck. I'm waiting in the wings. Waiting, desperate for it to all start. I just want it all. Fireworks and butterflies. I'm hopelessly romantic. I want a girl I can send flowers to. I want to fall in love, and see her eyes soften when they meet mine, and walk out of my way between classes so I can see her. Sigh, now I'm all sad, sigh.