Job

bulldyke's picture

okay...so, read my last post if you need an explination.

i quit my job. i realized when i saw my therepist tonight that what had happened today, with the belt, really, really freaked me out. i'm not sure how to describe it...it all happened so fast, it doesn't seem real.

but he was taking obvious pleasure from being so violent!

and i hate myself for being such a coward, but am i? i mean, yeah, i'm 'running away' from him, but...i'm also avoiding what i feel could be a very dangerous situation.

i know it was just a cardboard box...it really freaked me out. i carry a leatherman pocket knife on my belt, and i realized, once he was done, that i'd taken it off my belt, and had it in my hand, and my finger ready to snap out the blade. i don't remember even thinking about it...

so...i'm going to call him in the morning, and tell him that i quit.

i feel like shit about it, ya know? i feel like such a quitter! i finally found a job, a basicly GOOD job, and i'm QUITTING!!! my friends tell me i'm crazy...wolf said it was a stupid reason to quit.

i'm mad at her about that, too.

Em's the only one who said i wasn't crazy...my only friend, that is. my parents think i'm doing the right thing.

god...i don't know. i was so SCARED. i don't scare easily......and he really, really did.

fuck! i want to have a job!!! even though it was kinda shitty, i really LIKED working! i like getting up in the morning, and having some kind of PURPOSE. and i've found that i really like working with my hands...it's so satisfying.

so i'm pretty much upset right now...i don't know what is right, or wrong, or good or bad. i don't know what to DO. all i have is my gut instinct, which says to get out of there, but my brain is telling me that i should stay, and tough it out...that i'm just running away because it's hard, and new, and telling myself that i'm afraid is just an excuse.

but it's NOT, i argue to myself. it's genuine. i'm not lying about it. it happened, it was real. my fear was real. IS real. but...!

i want to go hide for a while. watch rachel maddow, and the rest of obama's speech, and jon stewart, and read my book, and listen to kd lang and the inidigo girls.

BD

Comments

ShowMeLove's picture

You deserve better....

than to work in fear of what that guy might do. I think you made the right choice considering a) You weren't happy working for the homophobe to begin with and b) You didn't feel safe working there. You have the right to be happy in your job and you most definitely have the right to feel safe at your workplace.

And I wouldn't call yourself a coward. You didn't feel safe in with him and I think it's better to be safe than sorry. Plus you've said before that you don't absolutely need the job/money. So, I think it was better to just be safe.

I'm sure another job will come along :)

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, some punished. Never was a story of more regret than this of Juliet and her fair Juliet.

Icarus's picture

you're not a coward, you're

you're not a coward, you're looking out for your own wellbeing. it's ridiculous, this notion people seem to have that you just have to "suck it up and do it" when you're in a situation you don't want to be in. the fact that you were that perturbed by this man means that this could lead to situations that could cause trouble.

in short, you were perfectly sane and in fact probably more sane than most people when you decided to quit.

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata

Riku's picture

Hey, if you were THAT

Hey, if you were THAT uncomfortable around him, I think that's a pretty good reason to quit. There will be other jobs. It doesn't make you a coward or a quitter. I mean, if you're going to work, and this guy continues to creep you out like that, to the point where you're subconsciously getting your knife ready, that's not good for your well being either, even if he never does anything

Lehcure's picture

nooo, it's not crazy to quit

nooo, it's not crazy to quit at all. you seem to have good judgement, and you shouldn't have to feel so, you know, vulnerable and stuff. There are tons of jobs where you can work with your hands, and hopefully another one will come along soon because having a job is nice. but quitting is the right thing to do here. it's his loss anyways. you can find much better conditions. :)