Love You All

Anonymous's picture

Hi everyone,

I got home rather late last night...much later than I had intended. By the time I could shoo away my three friends, who were understandably a bit reluctant to leave, I was totally wiped out, and I wanted to wait until my head was more clear before I talked to you guys. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of concern. I did "ghost" in and read all of your posts. Made me blubber a bit, I must confess, but it was nice to have so much love and support welcoming me home. I apologize to you all for putting you through this, and I hope that you will forgive me. Just remember, it's also okay to be angry at me about this. It was a stupid and selfish thing to do, and something I try really hard to prevent any of you from trying. So if any of you have thought about suicide lately, or think about it in the future, just look back on what just happened with me. I'll be talking more about this later, but I just wanted to touch on it briefly now.

Okay, what would a Pat post be without a lesson, right? So here it is:

If you think you are alone in the world, or that no one will care if you leave it, you're wrong... and if there isn't a good support system in your life, Oasis offers the means of building a pretty awesome one while you work on connecting/reconnecting with the people in your real/non-virtual life, or building new connections in the outside world. As you can see by my situation, everyone impacts far more people than they realize and to a far greater degree. So if you're one of those members that hasn't posted or engaged with anyone yet, why not give it a shot? People always use the excuse that it's too hard because everyone here already knows one another. Stop that nonsense at once! We are not like a club or a clique, where you have to be a certain way to fit in. The one thing that's required for you to be part of our family is that you step into the room - and by that I mean post a journal entry or a forum topic. If you post a "hi, I'm new" post, I promise you will get responses. We don't come looking for people who don't choose to post, because letting people move at their own pace is a big part of what we're all about here. If You're still ghosting (what I call reading as a guest), and have been thinking about joining....JOIN! That's all I have to say for now about that. The rest of you...seriously...there are so many ways to make life better. I just learned a bunch of new ones that I'll be passing on in the next few days and weeks. All you have to do is open yourself up to making the effort, and DON'T EVER FUCKING GIVE UP!!! As Adam would say...giving up is for pussies!!!

I didn't mean to go on so long...but you know me...so I'm going to go on a bit longer. :)

Just so you all know, everyone on Oasis does as much for me as I do for you...I would say more, but that's my perspective. I love each and every one of you...even those of you I've never talked to before...and I'm very, VERY happy to be back with you all again. Thanks again to everyone for supporting both me and my folks. They certainly appreciate it too, as I'm sure you've all gathered by now. I'm pretty sure my mom will continue to make appearances from time to time, as she has made numerous new friends here over the past few days. I actually think it would be good for many of you to get a bit of insight from her perspective. As someone on the other side of the whole "coming out" situation, maybe she can add a point of view that none of us other "old folks" on the site can.

Anyway...I'll be back to do more over the next few days. I'm not quite up to speed yet, but I'm working hard to get there. I've missed everyone very much.

Love and hugs to all,
Pat

Comments

Riku's picture

Yay Pat!

Glad that you're back. You had me worried you know. As well as like, everyone else here.

I hope you're feeling better soon. *hugs*

Adam A's picture

meow

he's back and i'm already sick of him :P

Bi the Book's picture

Ouch

Harsh much? He just got out of the hospital.

Adam A's picture

meow

don't worry love, pat and i are like bro's...except for the sex part

WantsOut's picture

PAT!!! YOU'RE BACK!!! ^_^ Oh

PAT!!! YOU'RE BACK!!! ^_^

Oh GOD, I'm not sure whether to be thrilled that you're back or be furous you tried to leave. Don't make me call you! >:O

wild-blue-yonder's picture

read your post...

Pat, we all love you too, I hope you know that.

You had us all worried. I'm really glad you're back.

Icarus's picture

*tears up a little*

glad to hear from you directly sir. :)

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata

Siovampire's picture

I'm so so so glad that

I'm so so so glad that you're ok and that you're back! Even though I've only been on here for a little while, it terrified me when I heard something had happened. I'm so happy you're with us again, and I just wanted to thank you...the whole..."get yer ass in there and talk to people"...that's what I needed to hear. Thank you so much. WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

speakpeacelovefreedom's picture

I'm really glad your back

I'm really glad your back too! I guess I've never really talked to you, but I've read things you've written, and you always have something helpful and smart to say. You mean so much to people here!

Adam A's picture

meow

sobs....help me help yooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Bi the Book's picture

PAT!!!!

Hey Pat. I'm glad your back but sad that you wanted to leave us. I'll forgive you. I'm just glad your alive. <3333

howie's picture

I'm shocked.

I was sure it was accidental overmedication. I'm shocked to just learn that it was intentional. Pat, I'm glad you're alright, but as a mentor, friend and support group for these young people...what were you thinking? Whatever it was, I hope you're getting help to deal with it.I can understand feeling overwhelmed by something that could drive someone to suicide. I am saddened by the fact that suicide is somehow considered an option when problems arise. There are so many heart-wrenching stories in the world where you can understand why someone commits such an act. Their story has somehow led them to suicide, and they are not in their right mind when they do it. I see the worst of situations every day at work, yet these people somehow go on, many of them without complaining. (I work with the elderly and the poor, somehow trying to find them the assistance they need just to survive and hopefully past just survive.) Many of them would be "candidates" for suicide. So, Pat, look around. See how many people are in situations worse than yours. Then consider yourself fortunate and go on. The people on this site seem to love you and need positive feedback from you. Give it to them.

howie's picture

My prior comment

Pat, now that I got that off my chest, I just want to say I pray you're OK. I'm sorry a situation arose that made you think suicide was an option. I really feel this site is helpful to todays youth. Much of that is attributed to you. Many could probably learn from your recent experience if you choose to share it. I'm glad you're doing better and pray that you find health, happiness and contentment.

crazypickle's picture

Hi Pat,

Hi Pat,

I'm really glad that you are okay... We were worried about you, and you're important to everyone here.

jmy's picture

PAT! Thankgod you are

PAT!
Thankgod you are back,
you made me so very worried,
im so glad that you are okay,

It is thyself, mine own self's better part;
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart;
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim.
-William Shakespeare, The Comedy Of Errors

Splash's picture

hooray

You're back :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

1stTeeka's picture

Welcome back pat!!

Welcome back!!!!!!!

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**
the greatest irony: There is no Peace without War

patnelsonchilds's picture

Thanks again everyone. I'm

Thanks again everyone. I'm taking it slow here at first, but I'm trying to get caught up on what's going on with everyone.

Howie's post is the one that really stung, because he said what I've been thinking to myself for the past week. It's going to take me a bit longer to forgive myself than it has taken for you all to forgive me, but I'll get there eventually. As to the experience helping others, I think it can...and I'm going to use it in every positive way I can think of.

Anyway, I'll prolly do more reading than posting today. If you have something you really need me to address right away, just stick my name in the subject heading so I'll know. Otherwise, I'm going to just kind of ease back into things. I'll most likely have to keep my load a bit lighter over the next month or so, while I get adjusted to the new medication and stuff, but I promise not to disappear, and I'll always be here if you need me.

Love to all,
Pat

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

howie's picture

Sorry about the sting.

Pat, I've left out an important factor in both my comments. The chemical imbalance. A real disorder that people have no control over. Situational suicide is what I was referring to. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel any angrier than you already are. You're a good man.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Yes, that's an important

Yes, that's an important difference, Howie, but as someone with severe depression, much of which DOES come from a chemical imbalance, I know that there are ways to prevent yourself from doing what I did, even though I'll surely have such urges at times in the future. The first step is to cut down the depression as much as possible with the proper medication, but never rely on that to cure you 100%. My meds have failed me several times, most notably last Friday night. You should always have a safety plan to enact if you begin sliding down that slope, and I didn't. I do now. Meds aren't always the answer, which is why depression symptoms should be treated by a competent psychiatrist, not a family doctor. It's easy to misdiagnose bipolar disorder as depression, and if they slap you on antidepressants when you're really bipolar, that could make you much worse. So treat it like you would anything else requiring a specialist.

Okay, lecture over. Just learned a lot about how frequently mental illnesses are misdiagnosed, though, so it's in the front of my mind.

Hugs,
Pat

_________________________________

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

howie's picture

Family Doctor vs specialist.

Oh, you just touched on a subject I know firsthandidly about. (Not sure that's even a word.) I made the same mistake, saw a family Dr. for a physical problem. Went misdiagnosed for a year, ended up having radiation treatment for cancer!! You have to be your own advocate even with regards to medical situations. Thank God I finally went to a specialist. P:S: My fight was a major factor in my reaction to your recent situation. There I was, fighting for my life and you were trying to end yours. (I am now cancer free after a year and a half of treatment.) EVERBODY, live your life!! Good luck Pat!

Maux's picture

*tears of happy* *blubber*

*tears of happy* *blubber* *floods room with tears of happy and computer fizzles and dies*

"Up your ziggy with a wah-wah brush!"
-All I wanna Do (good movie. see it!)

fox333's picture

yay! *Flying tackle hug!*

yay! *Flying tackle hug!*

the ghost's picture

glad to see you back Pat

glad to see you back Pat ;)

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt