you know...how every once in a while...there comes a day..quite by suprise...where you're just like in perfect harmony with the world? today is such a day for me. not because it's my birthday...i dont' feel it at all actually (thoguh i imagine i will tonight when the celebrations begin). i think it's because of what happened last night. i think it's officially not a one night stand...really it wasn't. i'm not saying i'll ever see of hear from this guy again and i don't mind that in the least...but ...there was just something about the experience that was just...magical. i know it sounds so stupid to talk about sex in that way...but...you know...it really was THAT great. I don't doubt it was more about him than me....but there was somethign very emotional about it...and we just did things too that i don't think people typically do on a one night stand. it was just...exceptionally tender and intimate...more so than any sex i've ever had with any boyfriend...isn't that quite..sort of...strange? wonderful but strange, kind of makes me wish he was a homo lol! and we did just get along perfectly, nothing fake...nothing unnatural and greatest of all...nothing mechanic. it didn't feel unnatural or forced...it flew with the greatest of ease and comfort, the conversation, the interaction, the sex, the kissing, even holding his hands (something i consider to be the height of intimacy and would normally not do with a one night stand) was just totally right. lol he even fell asleep for half an hour or so after his second orgasm....and when he did he took my arm and wrapped it aroudn his body....then later turned on his back and pulled me onto him so my head was on his shoulder/arm pit area...which by the way was the best fucking arm pit ever! funny too is that he kissed me when he left...not shook my hand or anything...and texted me when he got home.
something about the whole experience really transcended physical sex...though undoubtedly it was amazing, i don't really know how to describe it...i've never felt like this after sex but i sure do want to feel that way again. and i do find it really embarassing to say this but...i didn't think sex could be quite this wondeful. grr but even calling it "sex" is not right...coz it wasn't just that. it was clear to me how difficult and emotional and profound the experience was for him...i can't even imagine how strange it must be to be torn between those two worlds..which of coruse he now has to think about and try and find some form of peace within it. i gave him a little pep talk too (again not something i would normally do) about it and about the whole 'gay" thing and to try not to be hard on himself (he's shown the tendency to be...like most of us queers). i think that at best/worst (depending on u'r viewpoint)...he's a bisexual with a lean to the straight side..and i'm not saying that based on the experience last night...coz that came to him naturally and he brought physical and emotional passion into it that is unmistakable...plus he came three times. i just think he's leaning is to women because..well...it's his mannerism....he's not like any bi or gay person i've ever met before, simultaneously he's certainlly not like most straight guys either...so...bit of a mystery really. can't say i didn't fall in love with him a little last night...but i don't do straight crushes...no way, i'm not going near that again, which is why i told you, i don't care if he ever calls or whatever...really don't....what was, was enough.
hehe i do fall in love very easily.
anyway...on he issue of my birthday...i got my chocolate cake!!!! and i imagine my champagne will be tonight! yay!!!! im even going to my favourite resteraunt..called "tulip"...oddly enough the resteraunt is shaped like a tulip, and is made of class...on a cliff overlooking the sea..beautiful...expensive...and fucking good food! then after that i'm going to a place with FREE ALCOHOL! WOHO! where i will undoubtedly get shitfaced with my friends. they offered to take me to a gay club...probably to try and pimp me out...but i don't feel like it after what happened last night...lol i'm afraid the straight boy destroyed me for all gay boys in the future....though from what he said (and by the way it looked too) i'd say i may have done much the same to him with girls HAHAHAHAHA, what can i say i give good head.
anyway, i think on that note i wont go see the other guy i'm supposed to be having sex with tonight...he couldn't possibly top this guy and even though he's got a kink factor, i think i want to savour last night for a while longer..while his smell is still on my pillows. plus i think it'll be nice to just chill with my friends...talk shit....gloat in my sexual conquest...dress strangely for my own amusement...just relax a little after all this heartache and pointless boyfriend searching. so depressing really when you think about it...a straight virgin gave me more pleasure physically and emotionally than any gay man ever....how fucked up.
ok i'm so not going to overanalyse this one!!! bahahaha...im just going to treasure it for the beautiful experience it was....and what a wonderful way to start my birthday. lol he wished me a happy birthday at midnight..so cute.
ok...i'm going to go meet that fella for the movement now...or whatever. have fun whatever you're doing today/tonight my little sperm particles...