So while looking for relationship advice via google (sad, I know), I stumbed upon this nice little site. Since I don't seem to have any privacy journaling in an actual notebook, I'll use this instead. Maybe. I guess we'll see how it goes.
I should really shower. We're swimming in gym, and blah. I smell like chlorine, and probably sweat from yoga. And yet here I am sitting at the computer at 1:30 in the morning. Oh well. Who said I was the most glamorous person in the world?
I got to cum today, for once. I never get to, usually. Josh usually isn't up for it. I don't know how I can be such a nymphomaniac and end up with a guy that doesn't care about sex. Grr. Maybe that'll change when he gets home from bootcamp this summer, ahehehe. Anyways.
You know, I feel like such a bitch, and a whore. I have a great boyfriend, but I feel interested in others. I guess maybe this is because of his sometimes anger problems. I think he has some unsettled issues with me, and my attempted suicide; and probably with his dad, who has colon cancer. I haven't heard anything since he first told me.
I think I'm more interested in other guys purely for sexual purposes. I have came probably a total of 6 or 7 times in my relationship with Josh, and we've been having steady sex throughout it. I also have this strange turn on of being with older men (like, 20's, 30's. Not 60's. Gross). Probably for experience purposes, maybe?
Heh. But yeah, speaking of that turn on. The reason I found this site is because of one of my teachers... this awesomely sexy Trigonmetry teacher.
I don't even know what makes him so sexy to me. He's quite nerdy looking half the time; but probably because he has dark hair. I love dark hair. His name is Kevin, a name I'd love to scream in bed. He has very blackish hair, and sometimes wears glasses. He has this voice that isn't the most masculine, but always draws attention. I wonder what he sounds like when he moans...Anyhow. He wears ugly sweaters, and nerdy khaki and black pants. He occasionally wears jeans, which his butt looks great in. He's very smart, and very sarcastic. Everyone laughs at his jokes half the time, but I always laugh all the time. I'm sarcastic at times as well, with my weird sense of humor, making me somewhat relate to him.
So as you can tell, I'm in complete lust for this teacher. I know it's completely unrealistic to have him, but hey, I was looking for advice, wasn't I? I feel so much want for him, so much that it hurts (It's nice to talk about it actually...). But it'll just never happen. I do pretty average in his class (C's; can't do any better), and I don't know him outside the classroom. I don't talk to him much-I'm way too shy. I try to with math problems, at least; but that's a fail too, since he never even makes eye contact with me at all, and always uses a tone of voice that makes me feel stupid. He wouldn't want me anyways.
I'm not a skinny girl, like his little volleyball players are. I'm a size 11 in jeans, and I don't even have the tits to match. Small tits and blowing up at the waist. I prefer to call this curvy, but others seem to think I'm "fat". I have a pretty face, I think; but in comparison to other girls at school, I'm very average. I look more mature, that's all I got going for me. I'm mistaken quite often for someone who's 20-something.
Great to get that off my chest. Mmm..
Ah, crap. It's 2. I needa go to bed. My mom's gonna wake up in an hour and wonder why the hell I'm up this late. Meh.
Sign off for now. Sorry to those that have read this boring complaint.