No Country For Old Men

Anonymous's picture

My dear Oasis friends,

For some time now, I've been asking myself whether or not I truly belong on Oasis, and whether the potential harm my presence might do here isn't actually far outweighing the good. My ego would like to think that I am playing an important and valuable role here, but when forced to take a serious look at myself through the eyes of others, I see how easy it would be for me to just become "that creepy old guy who hangs out on the gay teen site". That would be a disasterous thing for me, the site, and most importantly... for you.

Jeff doesn't have the same issues I have, not only because this place is his creation, but also because he has a wonderful ability to maintain a certain level of detachment and not to let himself get all rattled and torn up over things (or else he does a brilliant job of hiding it). Not so with me. I am too emotional for that. l've come to love many of you just as I would my own children. I feel your pain as if it were my own, and I allow myself to grow closer to you than I should. I thought that offering you unconditional love would help to give you something solid to stand on while you dealt with all the rest of life's messes, but I also wanted you to trust me enough to be able to tell me the things that you couldn't tell your parents. In trying to fill both roles, I'm afraid I've succeeded only in fashioning myself into something of a silly caricature.

This is no one's fault but my own, so don't anyone go blaming yourself for this. I've just come to realize the potential harm I could cause by being too open with my feelings and my affection for you, and unfortunately, I just don't have the ability to change that. As much as I'd like to believe I've helped some of you, the thought that I might seriously hurt or damage just one kid, or in any way jeopardize this wonderful place, makes the risk far too great for me to take. So I have decided to end my formal role here as an Oasis admin and advisor. It's not an easy choice for me, and I know it won't be without regret, but it seems like the safest decision for everyone involved. My account will still be here, but I have already terminated my admin status and turned off all PMs and notifications. Of course, I'll still keep an eye on you all. I won't be logging on anymore, but if you look down at who's online, sometimes I'll be one of those guests (I call them ghosts), just popping by to see what all of you are up to.

My books will still be out there. I'll continue creating heroes like Rokey and Flaskamper for GLBT young people to identify with for as long as I can still type (dictate, activate my implanted brain chip, or whatever). I'll also always offer free e-copies of all my books to Oasis members. From now on, just contact me through my Chronicles of Firma website's "feedback" page, mention your Oasis member name, and tell me what book you want. As soon as I verify that you're a member, I'll email you a link to your book of choice.

I love you all so much, and will miss you terribly. I hope you can understand why I am doing this. It was a very, VERY difficult decision, but in the end, I recognized the fact that Oasis was here and thriving long before I came along, and will continue to do so for a long time after me. I found that to be an enormous comfort.

Love and hugs to all,


WantsOut's picture


PAT! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING!?!? Everything we've ever said to that effect was a JOKE damnit! You can't not log on! We all need you here! I need you here! Fuck, Pat, don't do this! Damn, Pat, we all love and need you here, and I don't think ANYONE's been done any harm by your affection! Pat, honestly, if you leave me alone I will never forgive you!

hellonwheels's picture


What tim and i said the other day was a in not to be taken seriously!!! what the hell are you thinking dude? we do value your opinions and you are not the old 'creeper' that to the effect of which we joked the other day! dont leave!

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

jeff's picture

My understanding...

Is this is not related to any specific incident or remarks, and probably not something that just came up. So, I wouldn't be concerned that any recent comment triggered it.

We've talked about our different approaches before, so not a new discussion for us, really.

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

hellonwheels's picture


BUT, there have been a ton of remarks made by me directly to pat of that regard over the years, and i cant help but feel somewhat responsible. and i think tim and i's joking the other ngith probably affected his decision in a big way.

PAT, all i can say is this, as awkward as our talks can be at times, and as awkward as it can seem when an older guy comes onto a site for gay teens, you have done a lot of good here. please dont shut off your pm's and please dont leave.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

bulldyke's picture

first off, you do what you

first off, you do what you have to do to take care of yourself. i can totally respect that.

secondly, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! unless you have a damn good reason for thinking that you've hurt someone, you're being beyond stupid. i LOVE having an adult on here. and yeah, jeff is great, but he's too much of a kid, most of the time.

you're wonderful! you've got to just have to. I know it's hard to divorce yourself, sometimes (i have that problem too), but you can do it.

Could you e-mail me, or something, and tell me what's going on? you don't have to give me names, or anything, but you sound like you're getting depressed, and I want to be there for you, if you are.

we love you, pat! I love you! i want you to stick there! :P

*hugs* hang in there.

"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

jeff's picture


I won't try to talk you out of it, since I doubt it was a decision made lightly or without a lot of thought, as you've always handled yourself on here.

I just think it's important to spin things appropriately, as you tend to go negative more often than not. :-) So, you should look at all of the positive things you did here, the people you affected, the lives you changed or, for that matter, saved.

I would have just advised you to shut off admin and pm, and just be a user here, but that's your call, of course.

We do have much different approaches. And I am more detached, by necessity and design. I think of it first and foremost as a peer support site, mainly because of experiences like yours in the earlier years. I'd be a wreck because someone was depressed and hadn't logged in, and then they'd post about the great novel they read that kept them away from the site for a few days, where I'd been worried. So, I control how I can do this site, but thankfully, there are so many caring people on here ready to help one another, it's rarely an issue.

My view is the peers handle the immediate stuff: I'm depressed, my friends suck, my crush is straight, etc. I usually hit the different angle, zoom out and look at what any larger problems might be, things they can do to improve their lives aside from the drill-down thing happening today. And, of course, to make sarcastic remarks to users I know better.

So yeah, you will be missed here. Just make sure to consider this a triumph, not a failure. I mean, there's no end to this site, and I don't pay you, so... :-)

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

bulldyke's picture

*hug* Bulldyke "I think some


"I think some mistakes are meant to be made, because we can't help but hope that they won't be mistakes."

jeff's picture


Just confirmed that Pat will pop in at some point and address comments here, etc. Not sure when that'll be, though.

Just wanted to make sure all these missives were going to be addressed, since he seemed like he wasn't going to be logging in, etc.

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." - Rumi

Add me on Facebook.

Icarus's picture

*bites lips*

Pat, if that's your decision, then I stand by it and respect it. That being said, I will miss you and your wisdom immensely. I hope you'll come back some day.

love you.

"She's Trouble with a capital T, that rhymes with P, that stands for Pussy."

Uncertain's picture


I think you are great Pat! You've definitely put in so much to help us all... Personally, the advice you give are of great wisdom and I'm sure they've helped others tremendously as well.

I do respect your decision but still hope you at least drop by once in a while. You were truly great.

Splash's picture


Pat, of course you're free to make decisions as you please, and I don't know you nearly as well as some people on here... but you don't strike me as a creeper. I haven't agreed with every comment you've ever posted, but you seem like a pretty good guy and I don't understand how you're hurting anyone here by caring about us. For goodness sake. Every human being on Earth wants somebody to care about them; what's the matter with it?

I hope you'll eventually decide to check in "officially" once in a while, at least, but best of luck in everything either way.


P.S. We'll miss you.

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

commander147's picture

From Pat, To Oasis I'll come

From Pat, To Oasis
I'll come back on in a few days when I've had a little time to think about things. I just need to rethink what place I should play here. I just don't want to let my own things mess up anyone else.
(commander147: and as much as I should hate to add this part under my name)
Much love to you all
We are constantly telling our stories, only sometimes with our words