Randomness interspersed with Breaking Benjamin lyrics, cause i'm just that cool

bulldyke's picture

so sacrifice yourself
and let me have what's left
the fire in your eyes
is going all the way
get away please
you take the breathe right out of me
i have to fight just to make it through
but i will be right there for you

i don't know if those are correct, or even what song they're from...it's breaking benjamin. i have all their music (that i own) jumbled in my head.

i'm tired, but not as tired as i should be.

my dad's sick...this nasty cold. and the place where we're supposed to go camping is going to be uber cold, apparently...well, not UBER cold, but it might snow a bit.

so we might not go. and i just got really depressed all of a sudden... i really, really want to.

i crave the trail under my feet...i can't explain how much i need that. i need to get away...be, just, AWAY from this. i'm not meant to live in the city, not meant to be around so many people. i'm always outside looking in.

show me how to end this all right
show me how defenceless you really are
satisified and empty in time
that's all right
let's give this another try!

i need to get out of here! i keep remembering my trip last summer...remembering it the way one remembers a night in the arms of their lover. the feel of the hard packed dirt under my feet, and how my boots sunk into the soft loam. how the sunlight shifts through the giant sequoas, and daples on the forest floor.

how my pack settles on my back, the familiar/alien weight. how it slowly gets lighter as i hike because i stop often to drink...how i sweat, and puff and pant, and feel ALIVE.

i've never felt so alive here, in the town where i've lived since i was born. i feel trapped, boxed in, and forced to be what i am not. only in the forest, or on the rocks by the great ocean, only then am i free and alive.

so i need this camping trip. and my mom knows that...but she won't let me go backpacking (my single night trip) unless she/them is nearby. and i'm so afraid that it won't happen...cause i need it so badly.

and things i need, they never come true. i know that sounds silly and supersticious, and maybe it is, but time after time, if i can put something from my mind, and at least pretend to not need it, it happens. but if i can't do that, then almost invariably, it doesn't happen.

i know that's stupid. i know thinking about something about somehting or not doesn't actually affect the outcome, but...well, whatever works, right?

to lie here under you
is all that i could ever do

rain rain go away
come again another day
all the world is waiting for the sun
all the world is waiting for the sun

and plus, packing is fun! lol i apparently have a very good 'spacial sence'...packing is AWESOME!!! i can make ANYTHING fit. my dad's the same way. i see something, and see where it's supposed to go, and i just know how it's going to fit. within the laws of physics, of course, lol. i can't get a car through the front door...but i'll bet i can get any couch through any opening...and i can pack a car with camping gear for 4, for a week, plus water for us all. and not some huge SUV...just a regular ford explorer...with room enough for all 4 people. lol okay, my dad did most of that, but i helped!

i want to go!!!! lol

patience, i know...sigh.

i'm gonna go watch the daily show and stuff...maybe get some pirate's booty to munch on. or maybe go for a walk.

i'm really pissed off at a guy for messing with a friend. it's...complicated, so i won't go into details, but...i'm ready to wringe his neck. but i can't yet.

yeah, word to the wise, don't EVER mess with my friends. you'll have HELL to pay from me. i may not always stand up for myself, but when it comes to anyone i care about...i'll go to hell and back for payback. NO ONE messes with my friends and gets away with it. no, that's not a threat...it's a promise.

BD

Comments

fox333's picture

awwww. that stink that you

awwww. that stink that you can't go. i feel the exact opposite. i want to be in a big city.

Lehcure's picture

ohhh. :/ not being able to

ohhh. :/ not being able to go is no good.
I reallyreallyreally, with all of my hope, hope you can go. and I have a lot of hope. so just maybe . . .

Man, I live by Mark Twain National Forest. And it's beautiful, so I can relate to your descriptions.
It is wonderful, and I HOPE YOU CAN GO CAMPING SO MUCH!