I WANT TO BE DRUNK BUT THERE'S ONLY HERBAL TEA...AND IT'S NOT THE KIND OF HERBS I COULD VERY WELL USE FOR ANY FORM OF INTOXICATION. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I'M WRITING IN CAPS BUT I AM AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT!!!!! YESSSSSS....I AM SITTING IN MY ROOM AND SHOUTING!!!! OK!? GEEEZUZ!
ok over the caps there were getting me all excited. my back hurts and it's not from sex....i figure that means i'm getting old.
i post too much...did you know? i did, i'm smarter than you.
i miss david...i bet he knows that though, i wish he didn't take it so for granted...
anyway..outside of my control.
this must be the first friday in months where it's almost midnight and i'm not even drunk...if i inject herbal tea will it give me a lil something something?
or should i stick to injecting insulin only? i ate too many coookies, they were tastey but now i'm guilty...and if it wasn't for me thinking spew is way grose than i would purge..but i'm too much of a clean freak.
so did i tell you about the boy with the ugly face and the great body? he's in love with me...im not just saying that...he wrote a song about me...and says i was sent to him from above on the right day at the right time...? :S something about breaking up with his boyfriend of one year.
did i forget to mention that he's french? well half french...half russian...and...well...he's an orphan...and homeless...he lives in a hostel...i believe...on money from the government. what i wanna do is give him the love and affection he needs so desperately but not be his boyfriend...is that possible? what if i just give him sex? i couldn't kiss him...but i could do everything else....but then i'd be boinking two out of three guys in the group that i met on the first week....i'd feel like a bit of a homewrecker. i mean there might be other guys there i still havne't met but it seems the pool is kinda..eh...shallow. still i'm happy to do the sex thing....or...i dunno...i could/would/love to be a good friend with him....i'd be affectionate and that...just....i dunno....can't he just fall in love with itai and then they'd both be taken and leave me alone to flirt with the instructor? though truth be told the only thing i really want from the instructor is sex....aaah....i blame britney spears.
men with super deep voices are sexy...
how could he write a song about me anyway? he called it "adam is watching over me"...which almost made me laugh out loud on account of...well...how? wtf?! it's so cute though...isn't it? i mean...he's the cutest little stalker ever!!!i just wanna hug him....if i could just give him hugs i'd be really happy...but i fear it'll just torture him...having been there...i think a clean cut is best...but then he's in the group and i'm gonna see him every week anyway. bugger! men! why the fuck did he even break up with his boyfriend of one year? if i had a boyfriend of one year...i'd just love him so much...there's just no way...no way....i would ever let him go like that. but i've only ever gone four months with a boy...whcih is waaaay laaaaaame!
im yawning...this indicates the french people on tv are annoying me....even if they are algerians like moi! well..sorta
i think it might be time i realized that people are the devil....cookies are my salvation. i think the whole idea of the salvation army is hilariously funny.
mormones are so hot....i love forbidden fruit.
i always think jehova's witness boys have small penises...dunno why...and catholic sex is dirty? jews...i dunno...so far jewish sex has been pretty good....not like straight jewish sex though hehehe....i gotta stop thinking about the straight boy or i'll start talking to myself...not just to stuffed animals and my pillows. i love pillows
there's this awesome song "don't call me baby" by madison avenue...she was so beautiful...lesbian too i believe...it's just so hot...
i want non-shallow...i just want non-shallow everything. i just want a fucking real boyfriend with real chemistry and real attraction and real love...like...whatever. i don't want to keep forcing myself to be with these guys...don't wanna do it anymore...they're nice but i'll never love them...it's not fair on them...it's not fair on me...it's really nto fair on me. eh im so not depressed right now...if u'r getting that in u'r head then you can go get deepthroated by a giraffe. they have blue tongues!
i feel like going to a super fancy ball type thing...like a prom but less teenagers (no offence you disgusting horny pimply little fucking wet ferreted devils!)...it would be nice no?
i didn't shower today...that's grose...im only getting to figure that out right about now...can't ask my aunt to turn on the hot water though...they'll get alll cranky...don't want to upset the army general...as mamma always says "you're a guest adam!"...well i wouldn't have overstayed my welcome and i wouldn't be homeless if you mother fuckers came when you promised you would come!!!! but no...staying in australia to indulge my psychotic sister's latest (literal) craze is more important...it always had been...always will be...which is why i tell you people...nobody is a greater disappointment than u'r own family. that's the theme song of live babies....disappointment! i know it's horribly cynical...but at 9 past midnight on saturday the 14th of february (yet another perfectly...wholesomely....painfully...silent st valentine's day) it's as true as any other time i say it....and another reason for me to say...I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE WHO'VE FOUND LOVE! HATE YOU!!!
damn i'm acting like a teenager! :P
seriously though i'm so mature right?
straight girls piss me off....all that bitching about not being able to find a quality man...at least they have a big selection...try finding a quality gay man, not to mention that straight men are way dumber than gay men...they're easier to rape...they're simpler...not as fucked up...and they're even moldable....i would love to take a little straighty and teach him how to kiss...how to hug...how to dress...what and where to eat...hehehe....like a little pet! ok obviously i don't REALLY want that....i'd rather a man who's on the same wavelength as me....but all people are me are annoying, left wing, bitching, dreadfully complicated and depressed and heavy...so it would never work out...i'd just hate them...unless they were moroccan or iraqi or tunisian....or just really sexy and in love with me...it helps when they like you too...but who falls in love anymore...it just doesn't happen...people are too god damn smart for their own good these days....i like to take the dumb approach...fuck it...fall in love...so what? yes it hurts and yes you get ripped to shreds but at least you did it the right way right? this is why i sometimes salvage myself and think...like no....im not that fucking stupid...any wanker should thank his lucky stars to get the kind of attention and love i shower my men with...none of them have ever had anything to complain about...im not a high maintenence boyfriend...im not a psycho...im like totally normal and my love is just like...way awesome...way big...way strong...and my love is not even like a geeky chaste nun love...i fuck...and i fuck...and i fuck!...and oh my gad im making myself horny i love having sex! LOOOOOVVVEEEEE IT!!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE SEX! sex sex sex sex sex...so much fun...
ok i've said too much
have a wonderful fucking valentine's day...pricks....i hope you're all as miserably lonely as i am...if uve got a partner...kill them or i'll kill you and rape them! tada!
should i tone down the homocidal thing? it's way fun though, i love horror movies.
fucking valentine's day....shittiest fucking holiday since new years...whoever invented them should live 100 years...99 of them in hospital...and as for mr valentine...i hope he gets raped in the ear by a german called Hans with a penis like a gecko
i like cd's...