cROSSSSS ROOOAAADDDSSSS

Adam A's picture

and i don't mean the britney spears classic.

i think i've reached this critical point at which i'm gonna have to decide if to choose sex or emotions. reason being is that tonight i'm scheduled to have sex with the straight boy. i had arranged this date previous to the night i spent with Ohad last night, and well...i've actually got a crush on ohad, i actually want him to be my boyfriend (which is a rare thing). i've been trying to figure out if it's "cheating" on ohad if i have sex with somebody else after our first date, and well even thoguh i don't know if you can call it "cheating" as ohad an i are not technically together...i do really want ohad and think that because of that, if i have sex with the straight boy it'll be a betrayal...and i don't want to do that to ohad. what i'm getting at is that though it might seem terribly simple to you, to just pick ohad, it's actually really hard. not just because of my physical attraction to the straight boy...but in the fact that if i tell the straight boy not to come it means that i'm admitting to myself that my feelings for this boy (ohad) are more than just sex....which i don't know if i'm ready to do. furthermore i don't like disappointing the straight boy, especially as i do very much like him and well...i deflowered him and i'm the only one he's got that even knows he's got a lean to the bi side...not to mention that as odd as it sounds when we have sex it really is like i'm teaching him...so i feel kinda bad about that too.
and what if its all in my head and by this time tommorow im back on the meatmarket and fucking my way through israel's male population?? i'm kind of stupid if i let some guy, even if it's ohad, stop me in my tacks and make me change my way, but at the same time it might be more worth it than anything else, if it pays off, if he feels the same, if he's not lying or just using me for sex. and i've obviously got no way of doing that. i hate how slow things move. i hate waiting for it like this...feels like life is just poised to kick me fair up the ass yet again, and instead of padding myself, i'm bending over like a good bitch.
grr stupid mind shut up!
ok ok...lets talk to ohad, see if i can feel anything in his voice and then cancel on the straight boy....can't say i don't take risks for love.

Comments

RegretShouldntExist's picture

So ur stuck between..Ohad

So ur stuck between..Ohad and the staright dude....?
But ur afraid that Ohad doesnt like u like that and if u cancel the straight dude for him he will turn u down and u wont have either....plus u dont wanna dissapoint the straight boy. But...U think its betrayl to ohad if u do have sex with the dude......And ur stuck on who to choose........Ahh problems are bad :( But yeah talk to Ohad :) He actually might like u alot....sooo yeah good luck and what not :D

Splash's picture

hmm.

Just going to say one thing, Adam. When you were talking about Ohad for the first time the other day, you sounded really, truly happy. I think that's worth taking a chance on.

Best of luck. :-)

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

ferrets's picture

i.............

think ohad really is a person you can be happy with. there is a time in a mans life whn he has to settle down.

ferrets

bulldyke's picture

Splash is right. you

Splash is right. you sounded so happy when you were talking about making love with Ohad.

and you'll never know unless you take a chance.

*I* think that you have it in you to have a real relationship, to have more than just sex. and i think that the fact that you're agonizing about cheating on him (or what 'cheating' might be), says a lot.

there's no right or wrong with this. there's no good or bad, only what you want. and we'll all love you the same, no matter which you decide.

and despite what other people think, that's a helluva lot.

*hug* good luck. we're here for you.

Bulldyke
"As my mother always said, there's nothing that says 'stay out of my airspace' quite like a couple of F-18s." ~Rachel Maddow