Uncertain's picture

Today, I had to lead the school prayer in assembly (because the chapel prefect was away). I made the school stand ("School stand please"). I felt powerful. (I also wanted to say "Do a little spin" and "Pick your nose").

I also had to do the bible reading at the beginning of assembly. It was about love ("Love is patient, love is kind, love does not keep record of wrongs"). I did it in a dramatic voice (with a tinge of the British accent). And at the end, instead of saying "Here ends today's reading" I said "Reading today ends here". HAHA, I'm so hilarious. I got a few claps from my rowdy year 13 peers. BECAUSE I MADE A BIBLE READING ALMOST EXCITING.

What else did I want to do? I wanted to reverse the sentences to make it sound like olde anglo-saxon speak. (Patient and kind love is, record of wrong doth love not keepth!) But that would be going too far. I only got issued the reading at the last minute, and I handpicked one myself just in case the need ever arose-
"Then God descends his wrath upon thee Israelites... Smite thee! All thy first borns shal' die a horrible death!" I think that epitomizes God's love. Would've gone quite well with the headmaster's little speech about love after my bible reading.



jeff's picture


Stone menstruating women, slavery rocks, shellfish is bad... so many options...

"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

Uncertain's picture

I know I was so torn.

I know I was so torn. Slavery, best thing that happened on earth. Menstruating women... Spawn of the devil. How can something bleed for seven days and not die?

Although I don't think the bible does shellfish justice.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Well, they managed to turn

Well, they managed to turn their only female apostle into a prostitute. Can one really be surprised by anything?


- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

bulldyke's picture

that sounds AWESOME.

that sounds AWESOME. totally epic. :D if i went to your school, i'd've stood up and cheered. :D

"As my mother always said, there's nothing that says 'stay out of my airspace' quite like a couple of F-18s." ~Rachel Maddow

Uncertain's picture

HEHE. It's really not that

HEHE. It's really not that epic. I just made myself more eccentric than I already am.

scandalboy's picture

Lol that took me back to my

Lol that took me back to my Catholic school days, sounded like something I would have done...especially the slight British accent.
Kudos, I loved it!

WantsOut's picture

I need to do this kind of

I need to do this kind of thing in youth group...