I've given up hope of finding her

oldfoxbob's picture

Spice, my Siberian husky that I have had for almost 18 years is now gone. One of the cats opened the Door to the RV two nights ago because I forgot to latch it somehow and they ALL got out at night. The cats don't wonder far, Spirit our Lab sticks around but Spice the old girl wonders afar. She some how got down by the local creek and ...well that's as much as we know.
Its been three days, two nights now and no sign of her. She has arthritis of the spine and cant do hills or inclines at all. So we fear the worst has happened and she has drown. I miss her so much. How she used to sit beside me and lean into me. Play fetch, and so on. Its funny how one becomes so attached to a pet like that but I do so bond with them big time.
We have had two days of heavy rain and the creek is now close to flood stage so there is no hope of ever finding her body.
I had wanted to have her cremated when she did go so that she and I could be buried together when the time for me to go came. But now...that wont happen. I hope against hope that some how she did get out of the stream and make it to some ones home and the read her tag and call me. So far the phone has not rung at all.
I have cried my self to sleep for the last two nights. I know that I will get over it in the next few days but I shall always remember her blue eyes shining and smiling at me when we played ball.
Spirit the lab seems to sense her being gone and cry's too...He has wanted to go out a lot but when the door is open and the leash is on he just stops and sits looking around for her to follow as she had so often in the past. He misses her too. I hear him whine often now. He looks around the RV and then whines some only to lay down and sigh then sleep. Writing is my way of releasing stress and I am so stressed right now over her. I hope you guys don't mind my doing so. I can never replace her. Nor would I want to. She was special to me and Robb. She was his first dog he ever had. He didn't bond as I did but he is still crying too over loosing her.
We have given up looking for her. My legs are so sore and scratched up from walking the banks of the creek that I can hardly walk today. But I shall carry on. She would not want us to stop living just because she is gone and we know that. One can ask how can we know such things about a dog...its only a dog. Well if you live with a child for 18 years and that child never grows up past the age of 5 then you would know what we mean. She never barked, howled, or whined at all. She was silent all the time except when she would play growl with us. So there was this silent communications that occurred between us. The look, The tail wag, the lets play posture with her head down shaking it side to side and butt in the air. The good times.
She shall be missed so much. I am crying now as I type this but its a way of getting rid of the loss stress. I will remember her always.
Thanks for listening.
Oldfoxbob

Comments

Splash's picture

*hug*

I'm so sorry.

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

underdarkness's picture

I'm sorry to hear that. I

I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is to lose a pet.

underdarkness's picture

I'm sorry to hear that. I

I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard it is to lose a pet.

Siovampire's picture

i'm so sorry for your

i'm so sorry for your loss....i wish there was something more i could say....but nothing is ever certain. she may well be ok. just....be strong....

ShowMeLove's picture

I'm so sorry....

I can only imagine what you're going through. I hope she finds her way back to you. I really do.

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, some punished. Never was a story of more regret than this of Juliet and her fair Juliet.