Cut myself from Oasis? I don't know if I'm causing issues here. And I don't know a logical solution. Or should I just leave? Tell me what youthink.
You definitly SHOULDNT leave,
you should stay,
your not causing problems,
we all want to be able to help you
It is thyself, mine own self's better part;
Mine eye's clear eye, my dear heart's dearer heart;
My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope's aim,
My sole earth's heaven, and my heaven's claim.
-William Shakespeare, The Comedy Of Errors
Journals, forums... posting out here in public is fine.
I think the issue is that you pm people and sort of christen them as the person who you need to make you sure you don't kill yourself, etc. And tell them you're going to do it, you just need to get stuff, you know the date, etc., etc., and you're telling this to teens who are not able to handle such a responsibility, because they shouldn't be saddled with such a burden and have no experience to deal with it.
So, that is the issue. I've told you the issue. Pat's told you the issue. So, are we saying you shouldn't get support here? No. Are we saying you seemingly need support the site is not equipped or capable of giving? Absolutely. Are we saying to not pm people and make them think that without them replying and consoling you over and over, you'll just kill yourself? Yeah, don't do that. If you really are that suicidal, call the Trevor Project.
I'm not saying this to be mean. I'm saying that there is a huge resource gap between what you seem to need right now, and what the site can reasonably provide. And that, similar to this reply, you post 12 words for every 120 you get in reply, so a good way to not think about being suicidal is to not maintain a ton of relationships where you keep talking about suicide.
Read other posts, see what other people are dealing with, reply to them. Offer them your thoughts on their life. Make yourself of service to others. Otherwise, you're staying in a suicide feedback loop and wondering why the feelings don't go away, when that's all you talk about. If you give something your attention, it gets bigger. You're proving this.
So, read bulldyke's post, reply. Read RegretShouldntExist's, who posted right before you, reply. Reply 20 times for every journal you write. Make people feel better that they are being heard in life, and that you are validating them by giving them your attention.
Otherwise it's just 12-word journals about suicide that lead to people you pm about suicide, and pm more about suicide, which leads to stressing those people out, and you then posting more about suicide, and more people pming you about suicide, etc, etc.. You've tried that path. It doesn't work.
So, start replying. Give back. Put yourself into service of others. Feel better by doing positive things, instead of wondering why negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts.
And when you get really suicidal, click Resources above, and call Trevor. They have trained counselors, and a toll free number, all for people in your situation, not random teens who are doing everything they can to help you, and feeling like their efforts won't be enough.
So, there's a logical solution. Comment on journals. Find something to say about everyone. Even read some awful poem and thank the person for writing it, heh. You'll spend 10 seconds, and make someone feel less alone, like someone cares, and someone is listening.
You chase negativity away through positive action, not talking about your negativity again and again and again and again and wondering when it will stop. On that path, it won't.
"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis
jeff is right, and i'd like to enforce the part about STAY. just because we can't take care OF you, doesn't mean we don't care.
we're all in this together. as soon as a person make an account on oasis, they are part of the family.
what jeff said does NOT mean that we're turning our backs on you. it's just that we CAN'T be your sole support. we CAN'T be the only thing keeping you alive. what you ask of us isn't fair, but that doesn't mean you don't belong. you can change, and because you're part of the family, we will help you, and teach you, and keep you with us.
if you are suicidal GET HELP. for godsakes, there are ways to get better! you DO NOT have to live like that. YES it's hard, and it takes a lot, a LOT of effort adn time, and patience, and it seems so HUGE, but do you really want to go on like you are, thinking about killing yourself all the time?
other people have tried being kind, even JEFF got on his nice face, and i applaud them. but either you don't want help, or you haven't figured out that you need it yet. so i'm trying the kick in the pants method. because we ALL care about you, and more htan one of us has stayed up nights worrying about you.
and we can't do that. we can't save you. not one of us is trained in any way to help you, and while we can lend sympathetic ears, and shoulders, and advice, we can't fix your problems for you. i'm sorry. but it's the truth.
"I'm kissing you through the bars of this rhyme/When Julie, I'd do the stars with you anytime/Ah, Juliet" ~Indigo Girls, Romeo and Juliet
You shouldn't leave. And you're not causing problems at all. I mean, this site is for people to find some sort of support, right? It's unfair to yourself if you leave. I do agree with Jeff and BD though, it's also unfair to us if you post things about suicide and only that. They are right about not replying on other people's journals, I kind of tend to do that too. (I'm always the shy person who stands in the corner looking at people.) That doesn't mean I don't care, but it makes it seem like I don't care, because all I do is use them to get replies to my problems and never reply to theirs.
I told you I don't want to see you disappear, and now you're saying you want to leave the site? I don't see why you would think that is the "logical solution". I want to see you get better and I want to know what is going on. Don't stop writing here, in fact, I think you should write more. If you feel bad, don't just write that you feel bad, and whatever it is you are going to do, write why you feel like that.
I know you said you didn't need tough love, but they are right.
you can't leave, cuz i'd miss you! nuff said.
"One joy shatters a thousand greifs" - - - Chineese Proverb