I'm sick and tired of "bi" girls. I'm freaking DONE with being the experiment. I hate the fact that almost every girl I like decides to use me. Kiss me, touch me, whisper sweet things to me. And then dump me on the side of the road. I feel like I'm lost in the tundra with nothing on but my scarred skin. I want to be loved, damn it! I want to, at least ONCE, feel appreciated. LOVE. Isn't that what I'm about?
No...now I'm about hatred. I'm about the anger that burns in my throat as I remember the last one. Laying beside her, her fingers entwined in mine, my heart skipping beat after beat. And when she turned to face me and I kissed her...softly...not sexually like the night before...it made me almost die. She smiled at me and kissed me the same way. No sex. Just emotion. She made me forget for just a few hours. She flew away with me to this new place..where I thought that love existed.
And then she tells me that she's "a new bisexual". *spits in her face* She doesn't know what she wants. Well that's not he message I got last night, our bodies entangled and our breath sending shivers down each other's spines. Fuck you and your uncertainty. I'm certain of what I want. I want to hold you! I want to hold you against me and never even kiss you...just hold you. Hear your breath. Know that you LIVE. I hate myself for letting this happen again. It seems that every time I am used like this...a part of me is stolen. And I used to think of it as giving it away...a learning experience. Now I feel cheated. Beat at my own game.
Fuck you, I said. You wish, you laughed. How about fuck you up? Does that work for you?! How about fuck me up?! How about I just switch off everything, my heart and my head. Stop my skin from feeling the tingle of your fingertips. Cease the heavy breathing that you brought. Would you see it then? Would you grow up enough to see that I'm dying? Fuck you. GOD JUST FUCK YOU ALL.