very angry...read if you wanna...i just needed to say it before it ate me alive

Siovampire's picture

I'm sick and tired of "bi" girls. I'm freaking DONE with being the experiment. I hate the fact that almost every girl I like decides to use me. Kiss me, touch me, whisper sweet things to me. And then dump me on the side of the road. I feel like I'm lost in the tundra with nothing on but my scarred skin. I want to be loved, damn it! I want to, at least ONCE, feel appreciated. LOVE. Isn't that what I'm about?
No...now I'm about hatred. I'm about the anger that burns in my throat as I remember the last one. Laying beside her, her fingers entwined in mine, my heart skipping beat after beat. And when she turned to face me and I kissed her...softly...not sexually like the night before...it made me almost die. She smiled at me and kissed me the same way. No sex. Just emotion. She made me forget for just a few hours. She flew away with me to this new place..where I thought that love existed.
And then she tells me that she's "a new bisexual". *spits in her face* She doesn't know what she wants. Well that's not he message I got last night, our bodies entangled and our breath sending shivers down each other's spines. Fuck you and your uncertainty. I'm certain of what I want. I want to hold you! I want to hold you against me and never even kiss you...just hold you. Hear your breath. Know that you LIVE. I hate myself for letting this happen again. It seems that every time I am used like this...a part of me is stolen. And I used to think of it as giving it away...a learning experience. Now I feel cheated. Beat at my own game.
Fuck you, I said. You wish, you laughed. How about fuck you up? Does that work for you?! How about fuck me up?! How about I just switch off everything, my heart and my head. Stop my skin from feeling the tingle of your fingertips. Cease the heavy breathing that you brought. Would you see it then? Would you grow up enough to see that I'm dying? Fuck you. GOD JUST FUCK YOU ALL.

Comments

Doctor Beastly's picture

Lovely

So has you love life been this way or is this a declining period. Whatever it may be, sounds as if you wish you could shut off the heart ability to care. Well, it could work for you if you want to avoid another sex experiment.
Personally, I love a heart of coal, for I do not have to worry about any remorse for my evil deeds. But than again, I may need to find a new source of energy. I know Obama means well with intention for new energy sources, but this machine loves his oil and dirty coal.

Gwen's picture

Sounds awful. I think the

Sounds awful. I think the girl should have been clear with you from the beginning.. now she's obviously hurt you a lot, and she should've thought about that, if she has any heart at all.
*hugs*

Siovampire's picture

thank you. and yea...she

thank you. and yea...she shoulda been. but the thing that makes me so angry...she acted to loving with me. and even agreed that she "could get used to this" meaning us laying next to each other being all lovey. and then she says she's a new bi...whatever the fuck that means....and that she just doesn't know....