Wishing I can choose

Sykes's picture

I wish I could let somebody know I'm gay/bi (mostly gay). I want to, but I know that not everyone's reaction will be positive. I plan on hopefully revealing it when I leave to go to college (I'm a Junior) but want to say something.

One of the complications is that I have a girlfriend right now. Not only was she already a close friend to begin with, but This is her last year here and I want it to stay like this for now. Sometimes friends will joke and say I'm gay or something, jokingly, and I sorta get pissed but I know it's actually true. What I think I really need is a friend who shares my views and I can talk to.

Thanks for support.

Rachel_Girl's picture

So you're bi leaning towards

So you're bi leaning towards gay? Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend feelings for the girl your with? If not then you're not being fair to her.

I'm bi and a freshman in college, I started coming out when I got here. My family still doesn't know though I'm sure my mom suspects sometimes. So I was in the same place as you in high school with out the complication...I can say though that if you plan on coming out to her eventually, would she be more pissed at you breaking up with her (if you don't have bf/gf feelings for her, and btw you wouldn't have to come out to her if you did this if you didn't want to) or would she be more pissed at finding out you had been stringing her along later on. You can PM me if you want to talk more.

Love Happens

jeff's picture


Your title makes me think of Transpotting: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed- interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit- crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?

Beyond that, the first step toward coming out doesn't have to be telling anyone, just to stop lying. Stop pretending to be someone else, censoring yourself, etc.

"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

patnelsonchilds's picture


Welcome to Oasis. Sorry it took me so long. I've been watching Animal Planet and editing pornography (Just kidding - I wasn't really watching Animal Planet).

I had the same experience in High School. I had a girlfriend. I pretended (to myself and to her). When I finally got out of Maine and learned that I was allowed to be gay, I came out to everyone, including her. Problem is, I didn't trouble myself to break up with her first. I didn't consider what was really best for her at all. Only you know the two of you and your relationship well enough to make a decision about what's best to do here, but Rachel_Girl does make a very valid point. If you keep stringing her along, then come out to her after she's gone (or you're gone, whatev)...are you prepared to lie to her forever about when you knew? I'm not telling you what's right or wrong, but that's a thing I would give some serious thought to. In my rather dizzying plethora of experience, I've discovered that while honesty can be hard, and it can hurt like hell...there's something about a betrayal of trust that always hurts more deeply.

Would staying with her constitute a betrayal of trust? Again, only you have enough info to answer that one. I'm just trying to give you stuff to think about. I have an annoying habit of doing that. Some here actually find it helpful, which gives me warm and fuzzy feelings inside.

In any case, enjoy our tropical island Utopia (serene, yet prone to frequent hurricanes). If you should want or need any gay-guy-related advice, I have been doing gay-guy-related things for a very long time, and I generally tell it like it is - so feel free to ask. There are a couple of other elderly males here too, but I am the most omnipresent except for Jeff, and just between you and me, Jeff's really more adept at making sarcastic observations, and providing occasional savant-like flashes of insight (though not necessarily at the appropriate time or place).

I better quit now. Don't worry...he'll get me back. "Revenge is a dish best served cold", as the old Pashtun saying goes (no, it did not originate with the Klingons, as is now commonly assumed).

Live Long and Prosper,


- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Sykes's picture

Yayz I has internetz friendz... yay?

Yeah, I came out to my mom two days ago. I kinda needed it I guess. It was like finally accepting who I am. As for the GF, I have feelings for her, they're kinda strong, and I know I look at it a lot as that she's finishing HS this June and she'll turn 18 over the summer and start going to college. I have a horrible habit of putting things off.
I feel different though. I've stayed happy (take that bipolarity), and just fell like, well, me... It feels good to know someone knows b/c that makes me feel I know; u kno, like i know who i really am, for the most part. I have loving family and friends and I know that they'll most likely support me (I hope).
It's not like all of a sudden everything's clear, cuz it's not, but it is a little easier to see where I'm going.
Thx 4 the support. (also listening to the Mighty Mighty Bosstones helps. Yay Ska!!!)

-A lot of people tell me that I'm not normal,
then I tell them, "Define normal?"