Doubt, Milk, and The Reader... Among Other Things

thinks's picture

Well guys I just got done watching the movie Milk. I watched the movie Doubt last night. I really enjoyed Doubt, and I also enjoyed Milk. That might sound like a downgrade from great but it’s still pretty darn special because I didn’t think I’d like or even care for the movie in the first place. I liked it though, I couldn’t live up to Milk’s standards because I don’t necessarily feel the need, even though I recognize the progress being like that can and has made, but I thought the movie was good nonetheless.

Here I am again typing away to the Oasis site because even though God knows how much I’d just love to openly talk about anything and anything to all my relatives I can’t. Thanks for being there to listen guys. ;)

I just got done watching The Reader. I thought it was good, but I liked Doubt better even though the subject was completely different.

So I’ve had a kind of up and down day today. Woke up tired and out of place, went to perky and up beat the next class period, then went downhill somewhat the next class period after I sat down to work on a take home test. That was kind of a natural transition for me though, I think. The reason I went downhill was because I wasn’t doing everything I needed to do to complete the test very well. Instead of looking up the answers to the questions I didn’t know, which was pretty much all of them, I just picked the answer I thought sounded best. I looked through the book, yes, but not extensively enough to find specific answers. I got so flustered that I didn’t finish it, still haven’t, and it’s due tomorrow. At least I have a long lunch break. So that’s why I went downhill then.

When I got back to my dorm room I almost instantly felt better because I finally got a hold of an important person, who helps me with school based things, that I’ve constantly failed to get a hold of over a very extensive period of time. We talked for 35 minutes about school related items, and the occasional personal thing. I’m excited to say that she mentioned and will, from the sounds of it, help me to set up an informational interview to take place over the phone with someone in a particular field of interest to me! We talked about someone in the journalism industry (newspaper) that she knows and thinks would do it well. Then there’s also someone I know from the psychology/human services field I could inquire about things from. I know at least two people who would probably be willing.

The day got better because I ended up talking with a good girlfriend, the only one I really seem to relate to, that I know. There were some interruptions in our conversation but they turned out to be good ones and our conversation ultimately ended soundly. We might get together over the weekend and watch some movies.

Anyhoo the bulk of this week must be spent wisely on my part. I have three major papers due next week, and even the ones I have done don’t live up to my expectations. So I do have some work to do, here’s to hoping it gets done. ;)

I had a good weekend, although I didn’t get any work done. :( On Saturday I spent the day with one of my aunts who took me to spend time with other aunts and relatives. This particular aunt of mine is the only relative in my family, besides my sister, who knows about me. We were discussing the potentials of me going to this particular college that one of my family members works at, as well as her husband, which is a Reformed Presbyterian Chrisitan based college (and is out of state for me) as opposed to this more liberal college in my state.

If I can get in and attend the liberal college there would be an LGBT society/club waiting for me. It also seems to have more interesting majors, ones I’m actually interested in. It’s farther away from anyone I know though. 1 and a ½ hours away from the only close relative, whom is my knowledgeable aunt. I’d have to be more independent, I wouldn’t get one of those discounts people get because they have relatives that work at the college and the LGBT society would serve as a distraction from my studies.

I like the idea of this college as opposed to the Christian one because it seems to be more to my tastes. But I’m actually considering the option of the Christian college because of the discount I could receive, though I don’t know what amount, and because I’m a chicken puss. I value the ability to receive help from relatives over my sexual expression. I guess… Also, I could possibly live with my relatives instead of living on campus. That would be another money saver. The only trouble with that would be that of my masturbation habits. A guy, no matter how gay or straight, can only go so long without a good jerk off and so far my habits are at least once a day. If not every other day at least. I’m sure someone does it more or less I’m not trying to brag so don’t even bother treading those waters. Please.

Honestly, that’s not all. I’m, whether you like it or not, wanting to be as Christian as I can. I want to be, to the best of my ability, on God’s side and live a lifestyle I enjoy. Whether that’s possible or not I haven’t quite decided yet, though there are many others who have. I say this because if I were to go to the Christian college, it would help as well as the fact that my relatives who work there are obviously Christians and could help my faith. I don’t want to get in a religious debate so leave this subject at that as well. It’s my choice, and my beliefs.

Anyway, my aunt said, cause I was concerned my sexuality would be stifled if I went to a Christian college, that if I was more focused on God that my sexuality wouldn’t be as important as God and the region that he represents. This made sense to me, after all Christianity is about praising God and what not as opposed to fucking whomever you love.

I’m only 20 though, I’ve got so much more to go. My sister says that I’m missing out on “so much” because I’m trying to make everything, as I would call it, “just right” or “perfect,” in her terms. She says that life is not about perfection because, she swears, that once I’m perfect I’ll be dead and gone because in any one lifetime no one has ever achieved perfection. So let’s hope I make some choices on my own, learn from my mistakes, live a little more. I guess these are aspirations for everyone though.

Well, I’ve typed about three pages. That’s plunty, you guys let me know what you think about the college thing. Later.


jeff's picture


Christian college AND live with relatives? Sounds awful... debt is a better option.

"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

Disney's picture


You're Amazing.

That's actually my signature on this site. And you are, so smile!

Anyway, I personally agree with Jeff, but it sounds like you're more practically-minded and are leaning towards the Christian College. The thing is - sexuality, whether you're feeling it now or not, means a lot a lot a lot. Not that you didn't already know that, but more so in the sense that having a solid LGBT outlet and probably being exposed to more LGBT/actually openly out people would likely help you solidify feelings about your own sexuality. And not that I mean you don't KNOW, but even I'm not sure about some of the things I want to do or what I 100% like or even entirely what sorts of people might continue to turn me on - or off.

Faith is definitely something to hold on to, but exactly how much will the Christian College help you to reaffirm it? Quantifying it isn't a necessity, but I'm guessing there's happy Christians at the liberal college and certainly a few religious studies courses over there too!

What about going to both schools? Hello transferring! Go to one, then go to the other and it might work out better than just being at one college the whole time.

Haha, so for reference on the masturbation numbers, you're accurate there, at least for *me*, although woo, boyfriend = less desire to do so, and physically speaking, less 'need' to do so! Haha, just thought I'd throw that in.

thinks's picture


I appreciate your post. It made me smile!

Anyway, I hope you'll continue to read my posts.

I'll continue to read yours. ;)

RaspberriesAreFun's picture

I know from experience that

I know from experience that it is best not to live with relatives during your college years even if it's not your immediate family. Instead of going to the Christian college, you could go to the other college and join a religious group on campus. That way, you can meet people of the same faith. I'm not saying that you couldn't transfer, but some credits don't always transfer over which would mean you'd have to spend more time in college and you will have wasted some of your hard-earned money.

I radiate music from my core.