so, he came over today.
it was incredibly, unbelievably, amazing.
we spent the whole day together.
in bed, talking, having sex, giggling, having pillow fights, etc etc.
watched a movie.
he would kiss me and then smile so big i thought his face was going to break.
we're not back together, though.
interestingly enough, it didnt even cross my mind
to ask him out again.
because i fucking know now that it wont work.
when he cant deal most of the time with the fact that hes alive,
and quite honestly, neither can i.
im just really happy right now.
i dont feel empty.
i hope, i really fucking hope, that i wont later.
being this happy is always terrifying
because i know how hard i'll crash, when i crash- which is inevitable.
i want to live with him.
i fucking love that kid with all my heart.