Long Time No Write

fatefellshort's picture

I haven't written in this journal in forever and ever. =[ Probably because my love interest is still one & only boy. I guess I feel like I should only write about girl interests in here? But I love boy so I barely notice anyone else in the world, female or male..

Most likely going on Wellbutrin XL soon. Well.. making a psychiatrist appt. Hopefully they will LISTEN to the medication I WANT to go on. Because I've already researched it. It makes you maintain (or lose sometimes) weight. The others make you gain weight;; this is key because gaining would make me WAY MORE depressed. Also most of the other drugs suck the energy and emotion out of you and make you just tired and apathetic. Wellbutrin supposedly makes you pumped for life and energetic. (I do have anxiety which apparently it aggravates but I can deal with that). I'm worried that
a. the professional won't care what med i want
b. they ''care'' but will put me on the generic or something instead of brand name wellbutrin (XL?SR? i don't know if it matters but XL sounds better.. 1 pill)

My acne is coming back. I could handle accutane again; only problem is
a. again, if dermatologist won't put me on it again
b. it interacts with the anti-depressant

okay so.. yes i am very interested in holistic medicine but umm.. DRUGS WORK <3 haha. they really do XD

college searching is making me so stressed out.
So far my favorite is Kenyon College (OH)
i also like Flagler which is in St. Augustine, Florida.
Yeahh I'd have a huge selection if my GPA didn't suck but it's 3.3.. terrible. I wish they based it off of intelligence/eagerness to learn and not grades. I'm very smart.. but depression makes it hard to do well.

Also pretty stressed about the gov AP test. probably gonna get a 1...

AND stressed about SAT's.. ahhh. got a 2110 on PSAT's. I want like.. 2200-2300. Probably gonna get a 1900 >.< terrible.

Oh. forgot to write that Me and Boy are a couple <3 Since 2/23/09 =]] I never thought dating someone a second time would work but this relationship is 100x better than last time. He loves me =] It's pretty friggen great. He leaves for college August 16th. Can't think about it!!!

Also dated Abear (a guy) from around new years to a little after valentines day. Dumped him for Boy. it was very messy. I cheated too. completely out of character. I was very ashamed and took the whole thing way harder than him, even though I was the one breaking up! I guess we're sorta friends. I'm closer to E (a mutual friend, an INFP, basically me in guy form but with no libido).

Uh. Still no girls in my life. But there's always college! I don't even really care though since I love my boyfriend... Just feel silly writing in here when my sexuality hasn't really even come up (except when I watch porn of course ;) )

Oh but I did come out to my sister. It's funny cause my parents think she's a lesbian. hahaha. My dad thinks I'm a shy teenage girl who tries to fit in. He doesn't know me at all. Actually I bet a lot of people think I'm shy. I can be extremely outgoing when I feel like it, but I'm very introverted. I guess you could say I am in my own world =] and small talk ain't for me. And try to fit in? EW!