when you were young...did somebody play with your laulau?
im missing out on sculpture class as we speak....it kinda sucks...coz i did wake up for it at 5am...but then i fell asleep while getting undressed and that's the way i stayed until my grandma woke me up at 730 when it was well and truly too late anyway. i was supposed to finish an assignment and present another in that lesson today...oopsy!
and then there's photography...in which i'm two assingments behind everybody else...was also supposed to present today but the printing shop decided to be assholes and so i wont have my prints in time...which suuuuucckkkksssss big hairy smelly sweaty titties! i'm the worst student...ever! then i got to go to fucking modi'in and see my shrink and aunt who just went through surgery...and i don't feel like it! i wanna just sleep. tommorow there's video and academic drawing...which sucks too coz i'm two assignments behind on both those subjects too..lucky we're going on a fieldtrip to see some gallery or somesuch...then i've got my date with the eskimo and then i'mon holiday for two weeks...first on the agenda there is to paint aviv's painting, get it to him and get paid!! yay money! yesterday i had a bit of a shock when my painting teacher comes up to me and says that we have to talk coz i skip too many classes and leave midway through all the rest....i gave him my rather ligitimate reasons and had a really good chat with him..and he's gonna tailor my painting classes just to me..i'm gonna work separately from the class on my own things coz i'm more experienced than the rest of the class at it yay!
oh and yesterday we had a class based around the topic "shit and the benal"...the class was shit and benal..as was the teacher who took it...pissed me off somewhat. anywho...yesterday also watched this lesbo movie made me nearly cry...you dykes always get to me.
got back in touch with my first boyfriend, he's in colombia but is moving to israel in october apperantly...time will tell....he looks fucking gorgeous i must admit...he always was but he's a dancer and gotten really into it after we broke up so he's all fit and shit now. he reackones he can't have sex with anyone without thinking about me, that i'm his soulmate. i dunno about that...and i have plenty of sex without thinking about him...but i do think about him and what we had...i dunno...maybe when he comes back i'll give him a whirl if i'm single (likely)...at least that way i don't have to bother getting to know someone...i know that fucker inside out. he's 27 now..hehehe, he'll be 28 soon.
then this other guy pops up out of nowhere...new to the scene, i had something to do with him earlier but i kinda thought we weren't getting anywhere so we just forgot about it...then he gets back in touch...says he's been in the army...hey that's ok byme....but wtf do you want from me? i wont deny...this guy is rediculously sexy, not to mention he's completing his masters and has his own apartment in the centre of tel aviv...a guy could do much worse...but eh...boring people are so....boring. i like my men just a tad fucked up....the eskimo seems to suit me....
therapy today...bugger bugger bugger...don't feel like it...i need to rest my head...thinking too much as it is. and i need to actually do some work for uni before the teachers all realize what a slacker i am and turn on me....hhhuuu!!!
is it very spiteful of me to wish aviv and his new girlfriend break up so that him and i can continue our little sessions?? it wont happen though....aviv is the perfect man...one of a very select few men who are just utterly perfect in everyway...if he's selected her and she's seen him for what he is there's no way they'll break up...it means she's probably utterly stunning in every way and probably understands the worth of aviv....and i can't compete with that....ew it sounds like i have a straight crush how grose....i can't help it though...if aviv was gay he'd be my description of a perfect boyfriend, the perfect man, he's got everything i want and more. you should have heard how he was talking to me the other night...always with respect and warmth...makes you feel like you're worth something that boy..and he's protective...i told him about how ohad didn't treat me so nicely and he was all getting upset and saying he's gonna beat him up! heheh it was so cute, reminds me of my old jock friends from australia, they used to talk like that about their girlfriends. he also takes so much interest in my studies...in my assignments and in my own work and in my teachers and other students...he loves learning about artists and stuff too...i showed him caravaggio the other day coz it's related to what i'm painting for him. lol anyways he makes me feel really good, and it lasts for a few days after that too before i start feeling normal again. we did this super erotic thing where i put him in his pose and drew the sketch on the canvas i'm going to paint, he was constantly peeking and we were working the colourscheme out together and he was really taking an active part in it...and we were talking about the concept of the work and stuff too....just turned me on...him too evidently.
now why can't i just find exactly that but gay? i can't complain though...aviv is amazing for everything he's done for me so far...i just have to make do with what i've got...i just wish that you know...it was more than sex and friendship. ok shutting up about the straight boy now.
watched this video art the other day of a man masturbating with heinz ketchup....strangely enough parts of it were really quite hot. at first he sucks on the bottle and jerks it off, then opens it and like he's jerking it off some more he pours it all into a bown with a sponge and then takes the sponge and starts wiping the ketchup on his cock and then the rest of his body..then he starts like wiping his whole body in it and shit and gets all moaning and what not...it was fucking strange but very interesting. the class were all talking about consumerism and got all quite upset when i dared say that i found the whole thing very homoerotic...but then those bitches were all about "shit and the benal"...which pretty much also sums up their personalities so i wasn't too excited.
jeff you better appreciate the breaks i'm putting in here coz this is not how it works in my head.
my yemeni friend is annoying me...she's such a fucking coward..i tell her but it doesn't help much. there's a guy utterly in love with her...and another just dying to fuck her...and she wont do anything about either. it's not that she doesn't want to...she does...she keeps bitching about both how horny she is and how desperately she needs a boyfriend...here she can have both and she wont do anything about it. grrr...and she's yemeni! i mean...you probably know nothing about this group of people but no group of people on earth have more attitude than these people....and they're all (her being no exception) hot, fit, healthy and totally cool. eh so annoying how people waste themselves like that...if i was her i'd dive in there and not look back...
why has my fucking mother not called me in so long??? so much for the speech last week about how it's a "given" that they love and miss me...yeh fucking right...then they wonder why i don't believe a thing they say...stupid family. oh well..
i keep thinking that i need to stop the therapy...i seriously think it might be making me worse...the only thing i really lke about it is that it's the ONLY place and time in which the topic of the conversation is ME...i know that on here i seem very selfish but in the real world im something of a ghost.
ok that's enough out of me for today. love you and leave you chocolate stirers and fishy lickers....have a nice next few hours.