did i tell you what happened with the eskimo? yes? no? ok, i'll make it short, we had sex, it was bad, the end. there were two others, one took one look at me and said he's not interested and left (which felt..great!) actually underneath the understandable feelings of inferiority i had about that there was a little cruel joke which was...that he's face was disgusting...as were his clothes...but he got the better of me with that quick dismissal i must say...first time that happened, wasn't good. then there was a guy i went for a night walk with, from 1 till 3 we walked and talked, nope nothing else, it was nice until the day after and i'm assuming today too. what is interesting and kind of sad is that he knows two people i slept with...which points to one of two things...either that the gay population in this town is very small and incestrous or that i've slept with far too many people. either way he was an interesting one....two ukranian parents but he was born and raised for five years in latvia....the conversation with him was very interesting, he knows a little about art so there was a lot of go on, and we're born at exactly the same date...a year apart, he's 20, i'm 21. oh and he was short...which is not a problem...im just pointing it out :P not like freakishly short...just...you know...compact....not like a walking blowjob, he reaches the middle of my neck...about that? maybe more....who cares? i think my days dating younger/same age guys has come to an end...consciously...they all know eachother it's horrible....and what's worse is that they all know of me...i'm this "new guy" in the area that some have slept with and they all have their little gossip sessions about it with their lesbian mediators...it's like i'm in a gay highshool...and i didn't travel to the other side of the fucking planet for this shit....actually i have no idea why i travelled to the other side of the planet.
last night my two favourite ex's declared their undying love for me again, simultaneously....and one went as far as to say he wants me to marry him and spend our lives together...which is tempting i must say but if i had to pick i'd pick the other one. but then there's no denying that there's a perfectly good reason for those ex's to be ex's in the first place now isn't there?
the one i like best, well love i guess, he was telling me that i was always there and never let him down....thoguh he knows he let me down. this is rather true...when he dumped me effectively to go out with another guy...kind of a no no right there...but the long distance was hard i know...i guess what happened had to happen...so i'm inclined to forgive....just the trust thing...hmmm...anyway it's not relavant until we're closer...so for now we're building our friendship and hoping for the best....only problem really is that while we date people we think of eachother and always wonder what could be...which is messy business really.
do you also get thsi feeling like perhaps my life is far too preoccupied with men?? i certainlly think it's reached a saturation point...in fact i think it might be time for me to cut it out...ignore thsoe pretty things with penises for a while....and concentrate on...geee i dunno...no really i don't...any ideas?
don't say art, i'm in a block...and dont' say uni...i'm in denial. dont' say friends coz i have none and have no energy or desire to go looking for any at this point. and don't say family coz they're first on my "to kill" list...that is...those that aren't 24 hours of flight away from me...clever bunnies.
i remember once my sister stole my shirt and wore it...it was disgusting....it took me ages to wear that shirt again.
should i text a happy holiday to aviv? is that something ok to do or does it say.. "hi, i'm adam and i'm in love with you almost to the point of obsession, i'm a slag, a stalker, somewhat insane, have no talents, not particularly good looking or have a great body, i'm not smart and not that funny, im not good at conversing, in fact i'm way closed up...i'm poor and needy and clingy...love me!"
what. a .fucking. offer!
no no hush now child...i just said i want to stop thinking about men...if it has a penis, i'm ignoring it...deal? DEAL!
i realized last night that i stopped fantasizing...which is like...a disaster! why you ask? coz i've been married for over two years in my head...yes...i have a fantasy husband, and he's great, we're very happy and we fuck like rabbits frequently...and i mean...comeon...i've had this hubby since like july 2007...so that's like fucking ages!! i'm pretty proud of myself...prooves i can commit at least hehehe...cept i've ditched him for about two months now :( but we got back together last night and sorted it all...yay for marriage!
that doesn't count as thinking about somethign with a penis coz he dont' exist...yay for back door...of several kinds.
can sombody tell me what the difference is between brandy and cognac? i don't get why the french and english have to make it so hard...fucking....people!
my little sister writes the most beautiful lyrics...that little dingbat...she's so beautiful and so talented and cool and smart and social...i'd be very fucking jelous if i wasn't so happy for her and proud of the little munchkin....
i like flying cats
but you know what's cooler? catfish!!!! they have those cool dali moustages...they're so postmodern they should spontaneously combust...but miraculously they dont..
i like wearing my socks inside out...it makes me feel good ok?
someone asked me what fisting feels like...i asked him why he thought i'd know...and why he's watching kinky gay porn when he's straight?
i haven't got any shorts....none at all...i'm going to have to cut some of my jeans and make them shorts...i'll cut them suffiently short so people can see my tattoo when i sit down hehehe...then i'll cry next winter when i have no jeans :(
has anybody here got "are you intersted" on facebook? i think it's funny when hot men from like france or fiji click yes on you...i accept them just the same but i think it's funny...then every so often i send wink to all my matches with something like "u'r hot" on it and whoever doesn't answer back gets deleted...is that a good way to sort them out or what? i do something similar with friends hehehe...oh dear im such a cunt on wheels.
this could go on forever but my little sister is on msn so i'm gonna go annoy her...love to love ya ma petite catfish