Well everyone I don’t know what I’m going to do but I feel kinda stuck where I am. As from yesterday the song Yes by Coldplay still seems to be a big part of mood right now, but the sex dream isn’t still in play. As powerful as it once was, only such a short time ago, it’s old history now.
I want to make a change. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere where I am. All this talk on my part about trying out Christianity is so many things. It feels like it anyway. It could be bad and it could be good. I feel like if I try out Christianity, if I even get anywhere with it, that I will most certainly have to sacrifice my sexuality to remain faithful and pure to it. That isn’t something I look forward to.
My aunt believes that I just haven’t found the right girl yet. She believes that I’ve never had the opportunity to enjoy a girl like most guys wind up doing at some point in their lives. I don’t know what I believe, what I know is that I look at guys and not girls…so exactly how I’ll ever be into a girl is beyond my grasp.
Now I know I may be starting fires under people with this Christianity stuff but I want to make it clear that I don’t want any negativity about it; maybe contemplative objections, but nothing hateful or degrading. I don’t even know how I’ll wind up doing anything about “Christianity.” The only time I’m really near it is when I’m with my relatives, which isn’t going to happen full time unless I go to a Christian college and live near/ or with them. Of course that might not even happen. Who knows.
I just feel like something’s a little different, like it’s my time to make a change. The beautiful part of it is that I may make the wrong change. I don’t necessarily thinks that’s my favorite thing to have happen but if it does I have a prime opportunity to learn. That is something I do want to happen, to learn from my mistakes.
Anyway I’ve gotta get ready for my luncheon. I don’t know why I’m even going to post this on oasis. I don’t think it’s going to do me any good. But I wrote it so I think it’s worth something. I do wonder what you all think I’m going through…