Okay, so here's a question for any folk out there who've requested a pronoun change: so I've got a friend who's biologically female and presents as pretty androgynous... He's trans (or some variation thereof) and not OUT OUT in that he doesn't attempt to pass, just dresses a little boyishly, and he doesn't go by a male name and/or announce his pronoun choice when you meet him, but a few hours after he met me he mentioned that he doesn't like female pronouns, and when I asked, he said he'd like me to use male pronouns. I'm not sure if this is the degree to which he's out with everyone, or if he's more out to me because of my overwhelming queerness. Our mutual friend mentioned that she makes an attempt to use male pronouns for him, but switches back to female pronouns when they're around people he's not "out" to. So my question is: what do I do when I find myself in social situations with him and his friends--I don't know if I ought to be switching my pronouns or not.
Also, I assume the answer is yes, but: do I use male pronouns (or whatever altered pronoun) for transpeople when they're not present (i.e., just talking about them)? S'just a little confusing: it feels at times like it's being totally PC, but also it's strange to tell people who have no idea who I'm talking about, "My friend *decidedly female name*, well, he......" Do I switch back to female pronouns there? Do I correct my mother when she refers to my other trans friend as "she"? Any answer'd be helpful. (I don't have to tell you guys that this is not intended to be in any way offensive, I'm just trying to get a handle on how best to approach pronoun-changes. Thanks!)