I kind of hope no one reads this entire thing, I realized that by that I become more of a neurotic mess than usual, so don't feel obligated to read unless you just want to read the writing of a neurotic mess. Why can't I be concise?
Today was kind of interesting. After I posted last time I talked to that guy that likes me, the guy with the hugging and such. I knew that he liked me, but I didn't know how much. We got to talking. And I told him that I had thought about him sexually, it kind of started as a misinterpretation (but I had thought about him like that before) and he was really shocked. I don't know if it was because he thought I was a lesbian, or what (because I don't know if he thought that or if he knows that I'm bi), but he was really shocked. We agreed to talk the next day (today) and signed off.
When I talked to him today apparently he had a sexual dream about me after talking to me. Which, it was a very interesting dream. I didn't tell him that I had a dream about him, it wasn't as exciting as his dream, we only made-out in my dream and we had sex in his. We made plans to meet up at our school because he had an athletic thing going on. Only problem with that is he was in such a rush to leave to get to his game that I had planned on hanging out with him after and he didn't drive, he got a ride. My parents are divorced. And sometimes I can take advantage of having two houses, this would be one of them that I could exploit. But, he didn't have a way to get both of us to my mom's, then take me and then get himself home. So I walked home to my dad's house, two miles.
He said he would make it up to me. Which I plan on taking full advantage of. He's cute and he has a really nice body. I don't even remember the last time I had sex. I'm not as shallow as I sound. I re-read that and realized that I sound like a douche.
I've been single for a month. I don't think I want another serious relationship like I just had. This guy is leaving for college soon. So why be so serious about it? My only problem is that he's a virgin... So there is that. He will remember me as his first. I certainly remember my first time and I wouldn't do that again with the guy I lost it to. He and I have talked about that, the fact that I don't have fond memories of my first time. He is sad for me. Idk, he seems to really like me, I think I'm a neurotic mess, and that by knowing weird random things about sex isn't off-putting, but certainly isn't an attractive quality of mine, but he does. He likes that I can talk about things even if it is difficult, and that I speak my mind. He says it's "sexii" which was a way I had never seen it spelled until yesterday. Hopefully I get to see him sometime between my cousin's first communion and that weird party I'm supposed to be bailing my friend out of. I can ditch my family, but not my friend. I might have time to do all three, see my family, fuck him, and go to the party. We'll see.