Vampires Don't Sparkle!

underdarkness's picture

For the love of God.

Okay, I went to my friend's place tonight to have some fruity beverages and watch some vampire movies. I thought, "Oh, hell yes, bring on the Bram and Rice."

They watched Twilight and The Vampire Diaries, which may be the worst movies on the face of the planet.

I was so horribly disappointed. And they don't even have good taste in fruity drinks! I ended up drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade and Watermelon Smirnoff Ice.

I figured, hey, vampires and alcohol = Bloody Mary, Cosmopolitan and Blaquila (theater blood and tequila). What else, right?

Stephenie Meyer has destroyed the image of the vampire forever.

Oh noes, I'm such a monster, and I SPARKLE. I FUCKING SPARKLE.

GAH!

Oh well.

Comments

gaynow's picture

Watch some Buffy to wash

Watch some Buffy to wash that nasty taste out of your mouth. It'll set you right again.

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

terrabean's picture

Woohoo, Buffy! Buffy! Buffy!!! I love BUFFY!

Haha, you just reminded me of Buffy, I really need to go watch more Buffy now.

Anyways, Stephanie Meyer can just go screw herself, or even better, go screw her pretty little Vampires that will eat her if she tries. Gahhh those books are horrible, but whatever, it is just the horrors of pathetic straightgirl literature. It can just go joint the ranks of Disney in the land of Heterosexist propaganda that my childeren will never see.

TB

underdarkness's picture

That's what you get when you

That's what you get when you take Vampires, a Mormon Mother who likes soap operas and has no writing skills.

And so the sparkly lion fell in love with the moderately attractive Hollywood star with no facial expression. Huzzahs are in order.

underdarkness's picture

That's what you get when you

That's what you get when you take Vampires, a Mormon Mother who likes soap operas and has no writing skills.

And so the sparkly lion fell in love with the moderately attractive Hollywood star with no facial expression. Huzzahs are in order.

Splash's picture

most of what I hear about Twilight...

...is concerned with how "hot" Edward Cullen supposedly is. I think sparkling falls under this umbrella. Needless to say, that's not something that has a ton of appeal to me considering I'm not that into guys! :-)

Seriously, if that's the biggest attraction in the book, I'm not going to freakin' read it. I have way better things to do with my time, and I was never into even regular vampires to begin with.

I'll be glad when the craze is over.

~~~ the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses ~ e e cummings ~~~

gaynow's picture

Aha, this may prove somewhat

Aha, this may prove somewhat amusing to some of you: Teenage Girls Debate Twilight vs. Harry Potter. God, I LOVE how much more intelligent and articulate the Potter team is. <3

Megan: "Cheers are supposed to be simple, make people feel good."
Graham: "Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels. Orgasms make people feel good."
-But I'm a Cheerleader

Riku's picture

THANK YOU

I was discussing this earlier actually. I don't think Twitlight vampires count as vampires. They're a freaking disgrace. When I say "Vampires" I want BLOODLUST dammit! None of this "prissy 'vegetarian'" (BTW, worst use of the term 'vegetarian' ever.) crap. BLOODLUST.

Or at least something that doesn't "shimmer like diamonds in the sunlight"

Oh, and sparkling vampires has to be the worst plot device in history...

Ever.