OK, gonna try to make this make sense, without making it insanely long. So...well I've been up in the mountains for the first half of the weekend with K, at her family's timeshare house in Keystone. So that was freakin' awesome.
Then I get home today and kinda settle in for a bit.
Then my mom's like "Hey Emily can I talk to you?" So we go up to my room and she sits on my bed and I kinda stand and look at her like "OK what?" and she goes "You can sit down" and I'm thinking like "Holy shit what terrible news are you about to share??"
So then she starts talking about how she thinks I don't talk to her and she wants me to confide in an adult instead of just people my age and it's really awkward and depressing cuz (okay warning tangent alert) it was her heckling me for my grades in like 6th grade and making me cry like once a week that made me stop talking to her in the first place. And then she's like, "So I was wondering about how you got all upset when we watched Milk without you..." and I'm like "Oh shit this is it" and so I told her I'm bi/questioning and goddammit she reacted exactly why I never wanted to tell her in the first place!
She said stuff about how she'll support me no matter what, blah blah blah, but she *also* said that I'm too young to really know for sure and she's had identity issues and then she goes "Why do you think you're bi?" and I was like, awkward so I just said I like girls and guys the same and I've had crushes on both and she was like "blah blah blah emotions blah physical attraction blah blah sex blah blah blah" and about how she'd "done some reading" and she thought maybe I was just confused. And how it didn't matter to her but she wants me to have an easy life and if I'm bi or gay life won't be easy... UGH! Yes, I *am* confused but you need to shut the freak up and let me figure it out myself!!
So now I'm feeling even less likely to confide in her than before and at the same time I'm feeling guilty cuz I don't want to hurt her feelings and all. But honestly, at this point it's too late for me to all of a sudden start confiding in her again. I mean, it's been four or five years since she was my confidante. That's what my friends and my journal and Oasis are for. I *was* perfectly content with the fact that I *don't* really confide in anyone and she totally ruined that. Not on purpose but still. It's like, now what the freak am I supposed to do?