#$%&@!!!!

tenmilestilts's picture

OK, gonna try to make this make sense, without making it insanely long. So...well I've been up in the mountains for the first half of the weekend with K, at her family's timeshare house in Keystone. So that was freakin' awesome.

Then I get home today and kinda settle in for a bit.

Then my mom's like "Hey Emily can I talk to you?" So we go up to my room and she sits on my bed and I kinda stand and look at her like "OK what?" and she goes "You can sit down" and I'm thinking like "Holy shit what terrible news are you about to share??"

So then she starts talking about how she thinks I don't talk to her and she wants me to confide in an adult instead of just people my age and it's really awkward and depressing cuz (okay warning tangent alert) it was her heckling me for my grades in like 6th grade and making me cry like once a week that made me stop talking to her in the first place. And then she's like, "So I was wondering about how you got all upset when we watched Milk without you..." and I'm like "Oh shit this is it" and so I told her I'm bi/questioning and goddammit she reacted exactly why I never wanted to tell her in the first place!

She said stuff about how she'll support me no matter what, blah blah blah, but she *also* said that I'm too young to really know for sure and she's had identity issues and then she goes "Why do you think you're bi?" and I was like, awkward so I just said I like girls and guys the same and I've had crushes on both and she was like "blah blah blah emotions blah physical attraction blah blah sex blah blah blah" and about how she'd "done some reading" and she thought maybe I was just confused. And how it didn't matter to her but she wants me to have an easy life and if I'm bi or gay life won't be easy... UGH! Yes, I *am* confused but you need to shut the freak up and let me figure it out myself!!

So now I'm feeling even less likely to confide in her than before and at the same time I'm feeling guilty cuz I don't want to hurt her feelings and all. But honestly, at this point it's too late for me to all of a sudden start confiding in her again. I mean, it's been four or five years since she was my confidante. That's what my friends and my journal and Oasis are for. I *was* perfectly content with the fact that I *don't* really confide in anyone and she totally ruined that. Not on purpose but still. It's like, now what the freak am I supposed to do?

Comments

ferrets's picture

hmmmm.......

i really hate the "ur to young to know ur gay" line one of my friends said that to me, and im like" well then i sopose u ar to young to know ur straght. that shut her up. yeah, i really try to aviod perental contact, but that sucks.

if you thinck, what people criticize other on the most, is where there own biggest faults are, so before you complain about other people, thinck"am i struggling in the exact same area?"

Merric's picture

.

I'm kind of in the same boat. My mom keeps talking about how I'm secretive and I never want to talk to her.
What she doesn't realize and what I can't really explain to her is that if I just blurted out how I felt all the time it would just upset her for nothing.
Not to mention that she told me being gay is a perversion, and now I'm supposed to confide in her?
Parents...

tenmilestilts's picture

exactly. she really

exactly. she really *doesn't* want me to be honest when she says "how was your day?"

why can't people (i.e. my mom) get that i get along fine keeping mostly to myself?
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Strawberry-chan's picture

Ooh...

That's exactly the sort of thing I'm worrying about, in my situation.
I don't see how people can question what another person is. Tell them that they're not what they think they are...
I'm not sure I can help.
I might be in the same boat, one day. :/

rainforestchild's picture

yup

yeah I am in the same situation. I love my mom, but she bugs me so much sometimes. I mean she said she's fine with me being gay, but she never mentions it and she avoids the topic, then she gets all pissed about me never talking to her. jeez parents! hang in there.

tenmilestilts's picture

i'm hangin'! =) yeah, don't

i'm hangin'! =)
yeah, don't get me wrong, i love my mom, but it's hard as i get older and realize that my parents are not the perfect people i always thought they were growing up. (wow talk about cliched...)
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Tophat's picture

Tis all too

Tis all too common...

Course, I LOVE my friend's mom who said

"I think it's awesome that you know this so young!"

I wanted to hug her right there.

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"We are the Stewards. This is our world.''
-Sophismata, Alex in Wonderland

starsxfallxup's picture

she should've waited for you

she should've waited for you to come to her =\
also I know exactly what you mean, my mom wants me to tell her things too but it's just a bad idea. and then when you're short with her she gets pissed right?

tenmilestilts's picture

yeah, and from now on i'm

yeah, and from now on i'm gonna hafta tell her stuff or she'll insist on another heart-to-heart. ur right she shoulda waited...if i hadn't been so shocked at the question i'd have lied, but i'm not the best liar.
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!