Coming Out...to Myself

tenmilestilts's picture

It's been a year since I really began to realize I wasn't straight. It's been utter chaos since then. I've called myself bi, questioning, pansexual, and everything in between. Sometimes I'm sure I'm lesbian, sometimes I know I'm straight, when I think about it I think I must be bi.

I finally went to a school GSA meeting Tuesday. I've been trying to convince myself to all year ("It doesn't have to mean anything, just go!" "You're so chicken!" "Why can't you ever go through with anything??" et cetera) and I finally went when I saw a couple of semi-friends in GSA in the yearbook. And it was the last meeting for seniors so it didn't really even count, they just kinda talked about what they did this year. But now I know that I can go to GSA next year and I won't chicken out. And that's so good to know.

I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. For the last year I've floundered around in the mud, waiting for someone to throw me a rope, and now, instead, I'm pulling myself out. It's hard alone though. I've come out to two friends but they're both straight. I want to talk to someone but I don't know who. But even so, I've taken the first steps.

I'm finally coming out. But I have to figure out what I am before I can tell everyone else.

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Comments

perple's picture

Welcome!

Well, it just got a little easier. Welcome to the Oasis! PM (private message) me anytime! I've gone through the basic feelings you have of the questioning-pansexual-bi-lesbian-bi rollercoaster, so, nice to know there's two!

tenmilestilts's picture

re: Welcome!

OK, that made me really happi...happe...um can't spell happy today. Anywhoo, "it just got a little easier" got the first real smile for today on my face so thanks for that!

And this is just a guess but there's prolly lots more than 2 =)
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

lacking_direction's picture

Glad you've found Oasis!

I know there's at least 3 because I'm definitely another one of them! lol

music is life's picture

Hey. Welcome to Oasis! Its

Hey. Welcome to Oasis!
Its hard figuring stuff out like that and hopefully Oasis and your gsa help you relate to other and whatnot. Its helped me a lot.
And i'm really jealous that your school has a gsa. I wish mine had one!

tenmilestilts's picture

I'm just mad at myself for

I'm just mad at myself for waiting halfway through high school before joining. Even before I was questioning I wanted to join. Sorry there's no GSA at ur school. You should start one!...Or is it the type of school that wouldn't like a GSA too much?
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!