tenmilestilts's picture

so that debate on same-sex marriage i mentioned before ( was today. and i honestly tried my best to come up with arguments that would mean something to me and my liberal classmates. so i talked about adoption cases and health issues and the american family and all that shit (see i cursed that's how upset i am), and the messed-up part is, while i was debating i actually kinda believed what i was saying!

i feel so bad now but i'm still confused. because the arguments i brought up were valid, and they mean something to me. like, parenting: wouldn't it be hard to grow up with homosexual parents? i don't know! and (this is weird but i'm weird so yeah) i've wanted to be a mom ever since i realized that physically, holy crap, i could have kids! and if i had kids i would want them to live the best life possible, even if that meant denying my sexuality. and that realization scared the crap out of me. as well as the realization that i just argued *against* my own rights!

why didn't i try to get out of it while i could? i feel so conflicted right now. god, this is the first time i've honestly not wanted to be gay. as a questioning/bi, i might go either way...but what if i have to make that terrible decision someday? why couldn't the other side have argued their point better?? why did i have to be so damned competitive and try to win the debate??? why, now, am i questioning my convictions????

i got *that* close to crying on the bus when K said "what's wrong?" and then she prattled on about random things that sorta made me laugh and the fact that it was her who was cheering me up made it better-but-way-worse. *moans* you know, i haven't cried out of sorrow since i can remember. i only cry when i'm pissed or freaked out stressed. that's why i like the rain so much. it was raining today--then i went to go outside and get rained on and it had stopped.

life sucks.
i'm such a cynic
such a pessimist
it's really
not that bad
many people
have it way worse
than me
but sometimes
i think that
i'd take
physical pain
economic hardship
even abuse
over this internal turmoil
how can i say such a thing?
i don't really mean it
do i?
but this confusion
is tearing me apart
i'm used to clarity
not this mental tug-of-war
the thing is
you pull on anything too hard
and it breaks
i don't wanna break
i'm holding together
for now
but nothing
can take the pressure off
i have to figure it out
i was always independent
funny that
when it comes down to it
i'm scared to stand alone


Merric's picture

When I have to come up with

When I have to come up with an argument for something, I usually end up convincing myself, which is how I know it's a good argument. So in that respect I know where you're coming from.

And yes, one of the points against gay marriage and adoption by gay couples is, doesn't every kid deserve a mother and a father and the balance and societal acceptance that provides?
But then, you have single parents, and who's to tell them they can't raise their kids? There are plenty of families outside the typical American standard who are loving and supportive and raise successful children, and there are the standard mother-father-child combos that fall to pieces. Ultimately, it's better to have loving parents than none, gay or straight, and that's why I think adoption by gay couples should be allowed.

I think understanding the other side of the argument will make you stronger in the end. Don't worry about it too much.

tenmilestilts's picture

I hope so. Now that I've

I hope so. Now that I've calmed down somewhat I can see that my true side of the argument does have merits. You're right, in the end my convictions will only be stronger because of this--because now I'm more determined to prove to people (myself included) that what I argued in class was *not* what I think, that I actually do think same-sex marriage should be legalized. Because I do think that, I just need to figure out why.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!