The timing could have been worse, the Officer, Officer Boyle could have been more uptight, a lot of things could have gone wrong that night, but it was almost as if cosmically the wrongdoing that was committed wasn't wrong because everything was working for them. The shadowed sky gave way to an ominous tone, a kind of thickness that couldn't have been shrugged off. Even though she was sure he if he felt it- he would too, would have wanted that thickness to dissipate and leave them like one of the clouds breaking off and following them. But she was sure he didn't notice, so she just had to make due and eventually it would fade she told herself.
After picking her up they exchanged slightly uncomfortable glances. It was on the slight awkward side because of their reason to be meeting and especially for so late at night, it wasn't conventional, but she wasn't either. She had her reservations, there was a previous boy that she had experience with and things didn't turn out the way she planned, so she was a little hesitant nonetheless to forge the waters this time, a lump began to form in her throat. It made it almost impossible to speak, and when she did she sounded like one of those women that had smoked for the last thirty or so years, the grizzly kind of harshness in her voice was terrifying her, she could only imagine what he thought. He must have chalked it up to nerves, he knew that she was being a little bit out of character, but he figured it wasn't too much of a stretch, and her unusual silence gave him a chance to finally get a word in edgewise, that girl could talk for miles.
They pulled into a church parking lot after traveling a safe distance from her house, the parking lot was well light except for one remote corner. They pulled into a secluded spot only to realize the plaque designated that particular spot for the pastor's wife- they couldn't help but laugh. Neither of them being religious it didn't seem to bother them maybe why their numbness did.
What happened next was mostly a blur and she maintained it was her imagination getting the best of her. She removed her sweatshirt, and tried to avoid talking and making much eye contact. She could feel his eyes piercing the surface of her skin and penetrate her as more and more of her clothes piled up on the dashboard.
She struggled with the door handle, as the cold air hit her naked skin she nearly had a visceral reaction, possibly nerves or maybe the way he was staring through her. Either way she didn't want to know. She collect herself, tossed back her hair and stumbled along looking like a mermaid with newly acquired land legs, very unstable and unable to walk forward.
She took her position lying on her back on the cold, rough pavement. She stared up at the stars waiting for something magical to happen and unfortunately nothing did. He offered her a cigarette after they finished, she gladly accepted. She went numb after the first inhale of smoke.
She always feels this guilt when she does wrong by her parents and they haven't done anything wrong as of late, even if they don't know about it, and won't find about what she has done. That is beside the point. She doesn't talk to her mom about the latest gossip, not unless she's trying to one-up her as to remind her that "I have drama in my life too," "I am a teenager." Her parents aren't even people she really trusts, not with her personal life. But she still feels obligated (as they are good people) to do right by them and not cause them to be shamed by the community at large. I guess no one really wants to shame their family.
Now she's thinking it was a mistake, it was a mistake at the time, but she could blame the caffeine and the cigarettes she ingested earlier that day for making that decision. Now, but now she's realizing this is beyond her. She doesn't want to think she acted out of spite, but maybe she did. She wanted to get the girl and that girl wasn't interested. So the girl from the church parking lot baited her with this information, she thought in some twisted way she might make her jealous. Maybe it was a jealous game gone awry, but whatever it was it just the beginning. I guess it was just another escape, for the time being at least.
This might explain why I was ... a tad bit upset lately. I mean it's just a story.