the only good thing right now is that i'm not freaking out to the point of tears about my school work because i finally got started on a project. its a bit nerve wracking, though, because i have to read it out loud and present it in front of a very non-caring, narrow minded audience. fuck, man. but i mean, whatever, right? who gives a fuck what they think, even if they laugh at me.
i mean, yeah, i'll be humiliated if its awkward and if they all laugh their asses off at me, but whatever. all writers have to go through humiliation, right?
on a different note.
the boy and i are done.
i saw him last thursday and it was horrible.
i may still love him; i dont know and i dont wish to explore that topic.
i simply do not enjoy his company anymore.
all the pain he puts me through just isnt worth it anymore.
i hate who hes becoming.
so i havent talked to him for about five days, now.
i dont plan on calling him. ever.
and if he tries to contact me, im just going to ignore him for a while.
i dont know what wounds he can open up (well, all of them, of course, but you know what i mean) and i really do not care to find out.
on another note.
i havent been eating very much.
and yesterday and today, i purged after i did.
i dont even know why.
i just went to the bathroom, locked the door, turned on the fan and did it.
i bewilder myself.
i feel sad.
i dont know why.
its not because of him anymore; so what is it now?
i fear that its the inevitable; simple existence.
there is no cure for that and that makes my heart tremble a little in fear.