i feel like shit.

milk-tea's picture

the only good thing right now is that i'm not freaking out to the point of tears about my school work because i finally got started on a project. its a bit nerve wracking, though, because i have to read it out loud and present it in front of a very non-caring, narrow minded audience. fuck, man. but i mean, whatever, right? who gives a fuck what they think, even if they laugh at me.
..right?
i mean, yeah, i'll be humiliated if its awkward and if they all laugh their asses off at me, but whatever. all writers have to go through humiliation, right?

on a different note.
the boy and i are done.
i saw him last thursday and it was horrible.
i may still love him; i dont know and i dont wish to explore that topic.
but.
i simply do not enjoy his company anymore.
all the pain he puts me through just isnt worth it anymore.
i hate who hes becoming.
so i havent talked to him for about five days, now.
i dont plan on calling him. ever.
and if he tries to contact me, im just going to ignore him for a while.
i dont know what wounds he can open up (well, all of them, of course, but you know what i mean) and i really do not care to find out.

on another note.
i havent been eating very much.
and yesterday and today, i purged after i did.
i dont even know why.
i just went to the bathroom, locked the door, turned on the fan and did it.
i bewilder myself.

i feel sad.
i dont know why.
its not because of him anymore; so what is it now?
i fear that its the inevitable; simple existence.
there is no cure for that and that makes my heart tremble a little in fear.

Comments

yummykiddd's picture

Oh damn,

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you get well soon :)

timpy's picture

awe

awe girl.
sounds like your not doing too well >.<
thats no good
I think that maybe your just under a lot of stress and you may not realize it, so your not eating as much and just completely stressed out to the point of where you do eat, you throw up.
that happens to me a lot.
i hate it.
it sucks.

-Jes