Long story...

stillgotlegs's picture

I guess I'm writing this because no-one in my life wants to talk right now. It's really crappy.

Someone I know (E) committed suicide last week. More of an aquaintance than a friend, but it really shocked me. The thing I'm most concerned about is this guy who's like a brother to me...

He was really good friends with E (that I talked about before) and he's been really depressed ever since he died. Anyway, I was sitting in business when I heard this dick talking about how H got together with O at a party. Now I was thinking that it was bloody fantastic, because O is an amazing guy and just what H needs. And I'm sitting there grinning. H kept that a bit secret...

And that was great, and I was thinking that it was nice that I wasn't so alone and all. But then the dick carried on talking saying how he was such a freak, and that people should beat it out of him. And I was honestly shocked, I didn't know people round my area were like that...

And now for the finale. I was planning on coming out dicretely to a few friends. But now I'm scared. My friends are nice and everything, but they are AWFUL at keeping secrets. And I'm not ready to come out to those kinds of people right now.

But I have to talk to someone?
So I am stuck.

Lol-taire's picture

People are like that

People are like that everywhere.

(Ha- looking at your profile I went to St Albans on a school trip when I was in Year 4.)

You're less likely to hear that sort of shit once you're out, because this is those are the things people say when they think no-one is listening. Like people who look over their shoulder before telling racist jokes. I encounter more homophobia from people who assume I'm straight, than people who are watching themselves because they know I'm gay.

Come out when you want to. It's an irreversible process. Idiots will know, they might even give you grief- but agonising about what they might say, is more painful than anything that they actually do say will be. Because you know they're idiots. And at the end of the day all they can do is call you a dyke, which you are anyway.

hellonwheels's picture

people are jerks...

everywhere. you will always have homophobes, narrowminded conservatives and assholes in your area. it's just best to block them out.

as far as the coming out thing, lol is dead on...do it when you feel you are ready too, not if you feel you cant trust your friends. i trusted one friend who was a lesbian in high school, and she told one of my best friends who she worked with @ the time. it can be hard, but if you definiteley feel you are ready, go for it. if they tell or dont like you because of it, they werent a true friend to begin with.

also, I am sorry to hear about your friend. I know how hard that is. in my 4 years of high school, i lost 14 kids, 10 of whom i knew well and was close to. suicide is never an easy one to deal with, and i have definitely seen friends take it the wrong way. i hope that your friend can come to terms w/ e's suicide eventually. that kind of shit is never easy....just make sure you reassure him that it isn't hsi fault, and that as sad as it was, it was e's decision, and he could not have done anyuthing to change it.

again, i'm sorry to hear that. its never a good thing, and it only leaves others around you in pain.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman