read plz?

jacjessen90's picture

jac's COST (coming out story told)

it was 180 minates past the hour at which satan, lusifer, and all other denzions of the infernal pit have full sway, on the first day of the second month of the sixteenth year of the second melleniom and a man born a dubble devils dozon years ago is lying awake with the worst six- and seven- word silyliquys ever known to the LGBTQ community,"why can't i find a date?" and "why are all of my friends homophobic?" after spending150 seconds on each query, he gets up and goes to the restroom and spends the next 10 minates giving his beard the apperance of having gotten freddy kruger for a barber,swearing and looking for his bottle of witch hazel, he goes to the closet, and picks out from among the 250 sq.ft. a robins' blue oxford shirt, navy slacks, and celeste penny loafers. Thus attired he goes to the kitchen and starts to make a pot of 'lavender luxury' tea, as he filled the coraffe, his 'psy-dar' gives him a shock as breaf as the blast of a .22 on a january morn and as sharp as a newly keened obsidion scalpil. sending out a mental 'finger' he meets a well-known set of sheilds, very well known since he crafted them! laughing he undoes the 9 locks on the door and opens it to reveil a man the very image of shakespeare's 'puck'! right down to ears that look pointed, wearing a floresent yellow spandex top andblack tights about 1 and a half sizes too small ."guten morgen, sheiskopf!" he greets JAC,"hallo! could you turn down the shirt? it may set off the rooster!" "ok, can we call a truse to this little match of insult tennis?" sure!""i've been to 'cattle calls' all night, and i tell ya, the only way to make it in this biz is act like a complete schmuck or keep kissin' the produser's..." "feet!" JAC interupted,"keep it clean m'lad! and get in here! you look dead..." "and you have never looked more alive!" ".. and i've got a feeling that since you've not been to bed yet it won't count as drinking before noon if you try something i've just come up with?" "well, if it does, it's five o'clock somewhere! what am i trying? somethin' i whipped up when someone asked for a mango margarita but had none of the ingrediants!" Noel lifted a styrofom cup filled with a substance of icee consistancy, orange, and smelling highly of pomigranite ,lemon and cherry, and takes a sip. "mmmmm! cool and fruity, just like me!" "noel would you care for ein eppess essen?" "sure! whatcha got?" "well, i was about to make breakfast so,... give me a minate!" "ok! ok! jeeeeezzze! let's have a nice little myocardial infarction, why dont we?" noel said under his breath "I HEARD THAT!!"

jacjessen90's picture

tell me whatchu think! "On

tell me whatchu think!
"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!!" - Lord Byron

Peregrine's picture

you sound like the yellow

you sound like the yellow shirt dude...

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I will paint, my words of love with your name on every wall! When you leave my colors fade to grey, And i ned you to stay or all my colors fade away! And every word of love

jacjessen90's picture

heyyyyyyyy!

not funnyyyyy!
"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!!" - Lord Byron

jacjessen90's picture

peri...

you's a butthead!
"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!!" - Lord Byron

Peregrine's picture

I was stilll very polite

I was stilll very polite about it tho... so i is a POLITE asshole. please get my derogitoy terms corrected...

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I will paint, my words of love with your name on every wall! When you leave my colors fade to grey, And i ned you to stay or all my colors fade away! And every word of love

jacjessen90's picture

YEAH WELL,,

U'S STILL A BUTT HEAD!
"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!!" - Lord Byron

tenmilestilts's picture

very interesting story...it

very interesting story...it took me a couple read-thrus to really get it though, doing paragraph divisions would help. (and using spell check, lol.) good use of similes and metaphors and all that fun stuff that i can never remember the names of, they made it really interesting. can i ask what sheiskopf means?--it's some german insult, no?
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Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

Peregrine's picture

A) Jessen misspelled it, its

A) Jessen misspelled it, its sheizekopf
B) it is german
C) it means Shit head

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"You wanted to meet Gossip Girl? Well, look around. I'm nothing without you. And while most high school friendships fade, it's my hope that what happened today will bond you

jacjessen90's picture

ja, danke miene froinde! "On

ja, danke miene froinde!
"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined!!" - Lord Byron

Morgan's picture

"mmmmm! cool and fruity, just like me!"

That one had me bustin' up. I'm with bookworm3X4, though. Edit your stuff.