So I met this guy and things got wet... LD relationship?

Disney's picture

So since I'm pretty sporadic about these updates I have to wonder if someone might not consider me to be a slut or an open mover or something - for verification I'm no such thing aaand it's just my paranoid self not wanting any projection of that sort of thing!

BUT, despite previous basically-boyfriend situations... things got complicated. And that was almost a month ago. Anyway, I went to the city last night and went out and had fun aaand long story short (I'm actually sleepy from it all and loving that tired feeling right now omg) this guy and I started dancing and nothing seemed especially 'special' about it, but then of course we made out and then we wanted to do some more and I waaas tipsy, but we got to talking and I realized how goddamn INTO him I was... I looked into his eyes and things just CLICKED and I feel this teeth-aching thing right now recalling it and my legs just want to move and it's soooo interesting!

Anyway, we did wind up doing something *this afternoon* and it was sooo great, the sex itself wasn't spectacular (not bad at all though) but just being with him and the whole experience and talking just made me feel so at ease and in serious like and he seemed so infatuated and I swear to god that's where I'm at or beyond right now.

The thing is that the city I went into is in a province/state AWAY from where I go to school and basically live ALL YEAR... so I might see him in a couple months if he visits my city (doing some summer stuff there) and I *could* see him once or twice in the year when I visit home but fuuuuck I'm probably reading too much into it but right now I actually miss this guy, and we didn't really hang out that long but as horribly cliche or spiritual as it sounds, I know he has such a good soul and I loved how we got along and I'm not at the point of being mad or very sad at the distance (still traces of euphoria from being with him only hours ago) but I know I might get that way.

He said he went through a long distance relationship and the guy liked him more than he (my boy) liked him, so ahhh haha! Although I think it'd be reversed as is... the other thing is that it's the SUMMER and I could have a fling... and I have to see what's going on with my tenuous 'boyfriend' who I wrote about in my last entry I think, and I live in a nice thriving urban centre and could meet someone else with relative ease compared to this boy. I don't want to jump the gun and I'd want to see him again before comitting to something, aaand I can have fun doing long distance messaging+calling with him anyway, but in my head right now I'm seriously considering the idea of a long distance relationship and I'm sure this guy wouldn't be opposed to it. Even if it wasn't 100% exclusive (which until last NIGHT I felt pretty strongly about) I feel like I can trust him.

Fuck I really don't understand this, and I see the whole 'love at first sight' thing but this is really a lot and I just want to be next to his body right now and it's not even a perfect match (I think I've turned down better 'matches' before) but I just feel so 'INTO' him for lack of a better term again. Ugh what to do? Easy answer is ya, just communicate with him until I next see him, but this is all out of a two-day encounter and it's basically an 8 hour ground distance and recession = visiting isn't so easy pluuuus my dreadful family with who I am closeted is hard enough to fool as is (hello barely being able to go out last night and having to stay by a family friend) so I'm trying to wrap my head around getting them to let me go into the city 1-3 times each time I'm home on break.


A part of me hopes it's because I am tired and this all happened within the past 24 hours basically, but a huge part of me feels so excited about this and my mouth actually just hung open thinking about his voice calling me on the phone jeeeze. AHHHHHHHHH

Please give me long distance advice and everything else. PLEASE, thanks!


jeff's picture


As they say, why buy the cow, when you get the sex for free?

My sense is to see what happens, rather than try and plan it. Stay in contact with him. Sometimes you just have a magical trick and it feels perfect, but it's just that moment and nothing permanent. The notion that intimacy and connection is special and indicative of more is, well, nonsense. You can have an amazing connection to someone and afterwards, the spark never reignites. You just connected in that moment and now it's over. That doesn't mean it wasn't right, just that it had a brief moment of being beautiful, and you were smart enough to take advantage of it.

Why commit based on a trick, though? He can just be who you hang out with when you're in town, and see where it goes long-term. Have a second date before you tie yourself down. Hell, have a first date. :-)

But at the same time, until you know, I wouldn't make any proclamations that take you off the market for someone local, either. I still think back to this thing that used to be called "dating." It was crazy, you didn't have to go from single to being in a relationship. You could go on dates, even with different people at the same time, and when you started feeling serious about one of the people you dated, THEN you decided to become exclusive.

"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

Disney's picture

Thanks Jeff!

That's great advice, still feeling buzzed about meeting him but you're absolutely accurate - it was momentary and mmm not worth planning over until more happens!

Haha, maybe it's a Canadian thing or just amongst my uni's views but once you say you're dating over here it connotes exclusivity (otherwise you're 'dealing' or seeing one another)! I've been on way too many coffee dates this year and woo randomness of feeling more of a connection with someone who's far away than someone who'd buy me coffee and lunch and la dee da. Cheers anyway!

You're Amazing.