Weak, a poem for all the people I wish I was allowed to love

Fiona Rosge's picture

I wander the ailes of my ever changing subconcious,
I realize my actions are pretentious but I do not understand how to change it,
Am I that bad? Do you even care for me anymore?
Best friend, why don't I feel it?
I pored my heart out years ago, to someone who seemed confused to take it.
And still I hang on to those small strings of hope,
I just wish I was strong enough to find the truth for myself
But I am terrified that after all my years of yerning,
after all those months of begging for your affection,
they would disinigrate with the words I want to ask you
And I'm sorry but I'm not strong enough to lose you
Keep your head up, you tell me
Why? I ask you, but still I'm so use to obaying you. So I'll try....
You enter my world, somehow I never expected that
Its all so firmilure as with her...
Its happening all over agian, please don't be jealous
Just call my darling, no I beg you not to...
I will fall to my knees with false love for you if you do.
That is one of my unwritten words you must never call me
Or I will love you without knowing why.
You use to...god I miss that pookie,
But I've tried hard not to bring up the past for you.
I'm weak I know. But I love you, in small ways
Nothing worthy of a proper relationship I do not want to worry you
And here you are, and I am falling for you too.
It was somthing I never expected...
And there you are, I try hard to be who I told you,
I try hard to trust, and i do!
That is not the part I have trouble with...it is the doubting,
I doubt the reality of this, of your words
I doubt the reality of my affection for you
And that frightens me, because I'm weak
But I refuse to hurt you.
Its all so simular, we will never meet will we?
San Franisco, is how long away and still our bridge never crosses
And that place that you live is how far away, I doubt our highways connected.
I have realized the falts in my heart strings,
that I shall only fall for people far out of reach?
Will it always be that way?
I think I deserve it don't you?
Or do I not? Do you think I am not ready? How long shall I have to wait?
What would you both like me to do?
What should I tell you, what shall I not?
I want you...is that to much for all of you?
Yes darling, the voices answer back
Oh god I wish I was stronger

Comments

Zephyr's picture

This is beautiful. And I

This is beautiful. And I think this means we should, uhm, kind of talk. Yeah, but great work on the poem. It's really awesome! xD

Did you meet your fortune teller?
...
Do it up, it's always stellar
---RHCP

Fiona Rosge's picture

go ahead

Hm I forget when I write that people read this, that they are not that bad at interpreting my poems as I thought. If you want to talk, go ahead but I'd really rather not be the one to start it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire
Good-by

Zephyr's picture

Well I can be dense, but the title gave it away. xP

I also don't want to hurt you, or be shitty, but it kind of sucks that you live so far away. And I think the reason that I haven't been talking to you lately (if you hadn't noticed I was being slightly distance) was because I like you so much that I don't want to get overly invested and then hurt us both because you know and I know that we can't logically be together. You live in CA and I live in MO. My parents won't really let me fly out to see you and I don't think your mom will just let me crash in your room.

I want to be your friend, and it did catch me off guard like a lot when we talked and we had so much chemistry. But like you've said, it isn't just me that is going down this path, we're both falling.

Okay, I don't really know what to say now. Your turn to access my crazy.

Did you meet your fortune teller?
...
Do it up, it's always stellar
---RHCP

Fiona Rosge's picture

ya

I have noticed, and it scared me, it makes me distant too. Which is why I am begining to lose reality with you. Make sence? Its hard, I'm just troubled with my brain, obviously this is hard and I have no idea what I am saying.
How would you hurt me during all that? I understand and I dont feel like your blaming me. I'm just afraid to access it now, the travel bit I mean. I'm afraid to tell them. Somehow I think you would be allowed to crash here...its a visit, I dont see how she couldnt. Its the this part they might not be okay with. I need you tell me what to do, what to tell them....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire
Good-by

Zephyr's picture

I can't tell you what to say

I can't tell you what to say or how to tell them that we met over oasis. I'm not sure telling them that we met over oasis would be so wise, they might want to read stuff. But that could just be me being paranoid.

I think that all we can say, or all I can say about this is that if its meant to me, we'll end up together. And I just have to keep saying that because otherwise I don't know what to say. My step-mom's condo is for rent. Well, for sale. But we're willing to rent it. Interested?

Did you meet your fortune teller?
...
Do it up, it's always stellar
---RHCP

Fiona Rosge's picture

i could i guess

So say nothing at all?
so there it goes all over again, will the cycle ever stop?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire
Good-by

Zephyr's picture

No, I don't think it will.

No, I don't think it will. But I think it would help if you waited to talk to your folks until I had travel arrangements or more so in the works than.. you and me talking about them and how I'm going to potentially finance them. I'm listening to Wonderful by everclear and wondering when other people are going to comment on this.

I think that we both shouldn't worry about this at the moment. And let it just be left up to fate. When do you get out of school, June... something right?

Did you meet your fortune teller?
...
Do it up, it's always stellar
---RHCP

Fiona Rosge's picture

wow

June 5th
Everclear? Did I tell you im in love with them...Everclear just another thing that gets me through life. I was with my dad once and he played that song, then it came on the radio and told me who they were, then I went out and bought the CD and now I think I have almost all of their CDs made. I saw then in concert too. They were the one things to keep me here and sane a couple of years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire
Good-by

Zephyr's picture

Do you think that is why you

Do you think that is why you like them because you don't get to see your dad and he is the one that introduced you to them? Hm... it was an interested thought that happened through my head when I read that. And I hope the last few days of school are good. Don't let Sandy give you too much trouble. XP

Did you meet your fortune teller?
...
Do it up, it's always stellar
---RHCP