So I'm back, did ja miss me? So a lot has happened since I left, and it kinda sucks. Well, not all of it. Which is nice. Ok, so my friend with the tumor on the back of her eye, C, shes doing ok with that. Tomorrow she will have surgery on her eye. Shes a little worried about it, but its not to bad. L got back, hes been at a treatment center since he almost killed himself. But hes back, and he seems okay. Hes really nice, and I would really like to get to know him better. We used to be really close.
I did something rather stupid. I dated H for a few weeks. we're really good friends, but as a couple we just don't work. It ended a little while ago, and I'm glad it did. Whatever. I really shouldn't have said yes when she asked me. It was stupid, and I panicked. Weirdest couple of weeks relationship wise of my life. I made the mistake, and then I spent the next while trying to convince myself that I haden't. Which is pretty stupid of me. I eventually realized I still had, still have feelings for someone else, which I knew meant I had to end it, so I we ended things. And there it is. But I'll get back to the girl I still have feelings for.
Ok, so I have a friend, we call her Sushi, its a weird nickname, but its what we call her. Sometimes I call her Sushimi, but thats mainly when she won't talk to me, then I yell Sushimi at her. So anyway, one of her best friends just killed herself. I didn't know her, but it was really hard on Sushi. Shes really having a hard time. I wish I knew how to help her more. Shes really a sweet person, and I really love her (as a friend). I don't know, I'm just going to be there for her as much as I can.
Ok, so I still have feelings for A. Shit, I really like her. I mean, I have, and I thought that I was over her, somewhat at least, but I just recently realized that thats not true. I still really like her. I mean, really like her. And I just know we'd be really good together. And she likes me, just not enough. Because she also likes someone else, and as long as she feels that way, she is a good enough person to not do anything with me because it wouldn't be fair to any of us. Which, damn it, makes me like her more. Because its the right thing. Its the best thing to do in her situation, and it just sucks. I really like her, and I can't do anything about it. It sucks, and I have no idea what the hell to do, because I like her, but can't do anything about that. Because she won't be with me for a reason I not only respect, but that makes me like her more! GAR!!!!!!!!!! And in the mean time, I'm just here, wondering if anything will ever change, and maybe one day I'll be able to see if there could be something between us, even though it seems stupid and pathetic not to just move on. But shes so cool. I mean, like really. Shes really nice, and sweet, and funny, and perfect. I mean, we even listen to the same really weird hard to find music! And I can talk to her about anything, and its never ackward. Once we start talking, we can talk for hours, about virtually anything. I mean, we played Guess Who, which is a game I haven't played in forever, not since I was really little, and it was just fun. Like, good, old fashioned fun. We lay on her bedroom floor, playing a game from a box with the words five and up printed on the side. And we had so much fun. We just randomly hung out. And ate lucky charms. Because we are lucky charms addicts. because we are weird, and random, and I really like her. Damn, I really like her. And I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about it.