Lyexsah's picture

I think I'm actually gonna do it. I'm just figuring out the right way to. I think I'm gonna die, sometime soon. It's not that I'm just depressed this time, either, some one pretty much told me I should.

I think I wanna go out dramatically. Maybe in a public place?

I need to figure out the access code to my uncle's safe, I know he has a gun in there, I've heard him talking about it.

I can almost feel the barrel against my head now, it feels good.


ferrets's picture


not the best choice if u ask me. not in the least. FUCK NO!

if you riase the banner of scotland, you raise the banner of freedom!
~willam wallace

Icarus's picture

1-800-784-2433 for god's


for god's sake, nothing is bad enough to end your life.

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata

ShowMeLove's picture

No, please don't do

No, please don't do it...

Just take some time out, which I know is easier said than done in these situations, but just try and do something to get your mind off of whatever is causing you to feel like you need to end your life. Listen to music you can relate to or music that makes you feel good, take a shower, watch a funny TV show, or go for a walk. Just get away from the situation you're in right now.

I get to a certain point too where I can't take any more shit from anyone and I'm about ready to give up...It's so frustrating and yet so easy to just give it all up. But if I get myself away from those people and things that are pushing me to that point eventually my mind relaxes and goes on to other things and realizes that things could be worse and there are so many things to live for.

Please don't give in to the moment Lyexsah, it won't last forever.

ferrets's picture

and someone told u to?

so? do the control your life? thtas like someone teelling me to throw my ferrets against the wall, over and over, until they died, and then to microwave thier bodys and have them for lunch

if you riase the banner of scotland, you raise the banner of freedom!
~willam wallace

patnelsonchilds's picture

Whatever You Do...Don't Read This!!!

Hey Lyexsah,

Look, I don't usually do these long preachy type comments, but I'm going to make an exception this time. Just read it and try not to roll your eyes, okay?

As someone who recently tried, and very nearly succeeded in offing himself, trust me when I say it's a really bad idea. Whoever told you to do it is a complete idiot. But honestly, you know that already don't you? You're en extremely intelligent girl, so I find it hard to believe you'd actually buy into that load of crap. A dramatic, over-the-top suicide isn't anything new or different, or even particularly impressive. People have been doing them for thousands of years. They're old news. Killing yourself in any manner will do nothing except destroy the people who care for you. It's easier than getting well, and changing your life for the better, but there's no reward, no last laugh, and no one there to say "Hey, great death. We all enjoyed it." You're just gone, along with all your chances to find happiness and to have a positive impact on others.

I know when you're depressed and feel like there's no point to living, it doesn't take much to push you over the edge. That's certainly how it was with me. Just one little setback that ordinarily would have just run off my back had me swallowing a whole bottle of pills. To be perfectly honest, I didn't wake up on "the locked floor" and think, OMG I'm so glad I failed! For awhile, I felt even worse, but I realized that enough people cared for me to at least give life another shot. Now, several months later, I am finally in the hands of a shrink that I like and trust, who has properly diagnosed my illness (mixed Bipolar disorder thank you very much) and has found the right combination of meds to keep my depression under control and my suicidal urges away. That gives me the strength to cope with my miserable past and the everyday setbacks and tragedies of life. For some people it's meds, for some therapy, for others both, but there's always another option besides quitting and letting all the potential you have go to waste.

No one can force you to keep living. Eventually, you have to decide that you want to. Speaking for all of us here, though, we want you to. This isn't your fault that you feel this way. It's an illness that needs to be diagnosed and treated, just like every other illness. Please find someone to help you do that and to take control of your life. It feels so good when that darkness finally starts to clear away. You really feel like you've stepped into a whole different world. Even though I still have setbacks, I realize now that my life has value...quite a lot of value, in fact, and that many people actually love and care about me. If you can just get to the point where you realize that too, then you're more than halfway home. Give it a try, will you?

I'm here if you want to talk.



- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay & lesbian characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"