A Dedication of Sorts

Zephyr's picture

It feels like the end of something, and I don't know what to say, I think we both let it disintegrate. And it is disheartening. But I think that you should read this. And you should know that I do love you even if I've never actually said it, I do. I have such an issue with that, not meaning it. But saying it when I do mean it. So I hope this says something to you.

Then: In the quiet moments of the day, I think about what you might be doing, and I don't want to seem clingy, but I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice, and I wonder if you miss me. I know it sounds crazy to miss you, I haven't even felt your touch. This longing makes me feel so stupid.

Now: As the days go by, I realize that it's just this fog that's been sitting here, like this weight that has been sitting on my chest waiting for something to move or be lifted. Nothing has changed and now I choke on the staleness of the situation, and my mouth begins to get dry. How could I let her slip through my fingers like this? I haven't known her and yet I've loved her just the same. She's mostly presented herself as a flaw, she's self hating, self conscious, and yet I can't get her off of my mind. Things in my daily life remind me of her, even if they are the things that she hates, like her fear or rather phobia of needles. I had neglected to notice how often that comes up until I missed her so much. I should call, but it's been too long. It's not as if either of us have been too busy, sure, life has gotten in the way, and it's easy to think that family is more important or just important. But I know that you're thinking, or have thought even just once, or wondered if I would call. It hurts me not to, and yet I can't do it.

I wonder what you're doing and if you're having a good time, or if you'd be describing your day to me like you used to telling me cute anecdotes as we both drifted to sleep. It was comforting falling asleep to your voice. Then again, it was heart wrenching to think that we were both falling asleep alone, with no one to cuddle up against, or share the blankets with. Even now as the summer heat carries on, to lie next to you would be enough.
*It was you, it was always you babe. ; ) It was obvious it was about you. I had to steal that from you, but yeah. You know me. xD