holy frick!!!

tenmilestilts's picture

[Um, this is an uber-long journal that you prolly don't want to read unless you've got lots of time and are good at understanding senseless babble. XD]

I had a very interesting day today, at least where K is concerned. (K is my probably-straight crush, for anyone who hasn't read my previous journals.) I was stuck at my mom's office sick, texting her, and as I've been reading Lord of the Rings recently, her favorite series, we were asking each other questions about the characters: "Who would you want to meet?", "Whose powers would you want?", etc. Then it came to this...

me: so hav u come up w ne more Qs?
K: Not off the top of my head
me: ok, heres 1 then: wat question wud u ask legolas if u met him? She takes a while to reply.
me: yt? "you there?"
K: Holy crap! I have nooooo clue
me: lol...i stumped ya already?
K: Yes. Hmmm what trees makes the best house? And do you prefer blondes or brunetts
me: OK, this is where I thought she was asking *me* the question, kinda moving away from LotR characters etc. No doubt you've already realized my mistake. wat tree makes the best hs? not sure i understand the question lol.
gona hafta say brunettes 4 that 1 cuz she's a brunette
K: Yeah i hope so! *eager hopeful smile combined with a crushing whince due to reality*
me: wait huh? Does she like me and think I don't like her back?
K: Nm, too complicated. Ya know the really happy want him but know u cant have him look
me: ok, got the look, but not sure wat it has 2 do with me prefering brunettes 2 blondes
K: Im a brunett! Dur!
me: ok...*confused hopeful look* Holy frick, holy frick, holy frick--does she like me?? Is this finally it??
r u saying wat i think ur saying? Cuz I'm way too chicken to say, "r u saying u like me?" ...This is the part where I go run out of my mom's office and hide in the bathroom, as I've realized my hands are shaking in nervousness.
K: Huh? That i would like to have legolas in a relationship, yes. Weve been over this
me: *sigh* Sighing over the fact that damnit, I got it wrong, she was talking about freaking Legolas again--but I sigh whenever she confuses me, so *that*s what it meant to her. Cuz I definitely am confused. (Also secretly thinking, "Maybe she was gonna tell me she likes me but then she chickened!") wat does legolas hafta do w brunettes?
K: The question i asked earlier member? It kinda led into that
me: im majorly confused. wat does me prefering brunettes hafta do w u getting legolas?
K: No, i asked if legolas prefered brunetts as my question.
me: oh!!! Great. *DUH* you stupid idiot. Now she's gonna be asking you questions before you're ready...
lolol
i get it now.
haha
K: Exactly!
me: yeah, can u tell i'm out of it? My attempt to attribute the whole misunderstanding to my killer cold...it somehow works.
K: No
me: u cant?
or was that sarcastic?
K: Take a good guess
me: um...yea im prety sure that ws sarcastic
K: Yep exactly
me: yay i win!
Conversation returns to its previous idle chatter.

Of course, really I lost. Cuz now, she must know *something*s up. And it's only a matter of time before she figures it out and confronts me. And I don't know if either of us is ready yet. I think, maybe she does like me, more than a friend, but I hafta give her time to realize that.

So now I'm on the edge, nervous as hell, not sure whether the double meaning of that convo was only in my head or if she saw it too. Not sure if she likes me or not. Not sure if she's seen through me or not. I'm going over to her house to see The Two Towers tomorrow evening, so maybe we'll see. (And then again, likely not. Cuz I'm chicken and loathe to admit my feelings, and she's told me she's the same.) (...Are we a match made in Heaven or Hell?)

[Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but myself, not sure if it needs to. I had to record it though.]

Comments

terrabean's picture

And this my friends is why...

texting is nobody's friend. I have yet to understand why people would sacrifice all forms of natural animal communication in exchange for only text. Baffling. I swear, half of the drama's on this place wouldn't exist if it weren't for texting and the internet. Really, no visual body clues, no vocal inflection, no pheromones, no touch, no positional relation, no nothing except a couple words with 50 meanings. Just muster up the guts to interact with these people in person, and don't fuckng worry about all of the hidden messages in what the latest text means.

Be a human.. get to know people.. there is so much about people that you will never see if you don't just interact. If she doesn't like you.. then she doesn't, better things will come along. Just be real to her, she'll like you better as a friend, even if she doesn't want to date you.

"I can buy a BIGGER one

TerraBean

Nanook's picture

it's easier to not talk to

it's easier to not talk to people that way.

"Huh, you texted me!? Sorry I was driving"
or
"sorry, I didn't get your text, I had no service"

it's not that I'm a bitch, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like talking.

It's also nice for little messages like:
"yo, I need 50, could you transfer it to member # 123040 acct. S3?"

terrabean's picture

Which is exactly my point...

it is too easy to lie and deceive... which is fine for the type of people you would like to lie to and deceive... but it is a way of cheating as far as feelings go, and tricking yourself. And I wouldn't ever dare invest an inch of my heart on something read in a text, it is the stupidest thing you can do if you ave any sense of self preservation.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with texting as long as you understand that you are hiding.

TerraBean

in rainbows's picture

ehh, terrabean is kinda right

ehh, terrabean is kinda right,texting can be confusing because of the whole not being able to see her body language, or tone of voice etc. same thing actually kinda happened to me, well not really but somewhat.
and do interact with her,even if its just as a friend. you never know......she just might like you ;)

"in true love the smallest distance is too great, yet the greatest distance can be broken."

terrabean's picture

And even if she doesn't...

if you are gonna like her enough to want to date her you'd better like her enough to be her friend, otherwise you are just horny. Take a minute to think whether you would actually want to date her too, if she would that is what would you do. I used the have the most enormous crush on a friend of mine who is now an awesome friend... and it turned out that if I hadn't been a fucking chicken, she would have happily dated me.. BUT I am really glad I didn't because it would have totally screwed our friendship over, and no one really needs that type of thing at that age. That friend and I are now great friends, and I am completely over her... it happens.. you both grow up, and what seems important now stops being. Its a scary thought, but its true. I now an in a stable, mature (well most of the time) relationship with an amazing girl. The right thing will come along some day.. it might be with her, but it might not be.

*I can buy a BIGGER one!*

TerraBean

in rainbows's picture

haha

in a way that was kinda funny.....well i think everything is funny so it probly wasnt.......*blurts out* i laugh at people when they're in physical pain!.......>.< lol this is completely off of the subject XD

"in true love the smallest distance is too great, yet the greatest distance can be broken."

tenmilestilts's picture

dang...

ur making me feel like i'm a bit of a bitch...=( but i can assure you, most of our friendship is not over text message, and we *are* good friends. (and it's true that our friendship might be ruined by a relationship, that's why i haven't made any move yet.) i recently (painfully) helped her through a crush, and she's helped me in kind. and my mind may be in the gutter but i most certainly am not horny, i love her for who she is and if she's only ever a friend to me i will be grateful for that. thank you for the warnings though, i appreciate your advice very much. we'll see how it turns out...i'm about to go over to her place to hang and watch lord of the rings. =) i'll pay attention for voice inflections, etc.!
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

terrabean's picture

Yeah no, sorry, no hard feelings...

I can be pretty admant about some of this crap sometimes... but I have this tendency to write for "worst case" so what the hell. Your post mainly just reminded me of stuff that I wanted to start disscussion on here about which was successful. If the stuff doesn't apply to you... then my post is probably a complement... or I am using you as an excuse to rand about barely related things.. Ok screw it.. I am running off now

TerraBean

tenmilestilts's picture

lol. no worries i knew you

lol. no worries i knew you meant well. ^_^
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!