Paddle boating

Zephyr's picture

So I think I did something kind of stupid. I mean it was accidental. Or maybe just a misinterpretation. Not sure what really happened. I know what my intentions were, but I don't think the other person did. I almost wish they could/would read this because I want them to know that it wasn't my intention. I also think I might be over reacting.

I've been trying to see who's going to pride. It's coming up. And this year it's kind of a big deal for me. I have to go. My best friend said she would go with me. I'm really excited. I don't exactly have gay friends, or a lot of them. I texted a friend asking them if they were going. I just feel kind of awkward now because I don't know if she thinks it's a date, or what. I had the most innocent of intentions. So I'm probably just over reacting because I don't want to... not hurt her because I'm not even sure she's really interested. idk. Technology isn't my friend at this point.

Also. My ex. Let's just call her... O because that's what I've called her in previous posts. I hung out with O last week. We went and worked out. And then something happened. And I don't know my role in this. I know that siblings fight and shit like that, but I was a witness to O getting beaten up by her sister. Not the normal rough housing where both parties have fun, no. No one had fun this time and it was pretty violent from what I saw. So then after that understandably, she didn't want to be home by herself. I invited her to my thing with my dad. We had planned a family night out. My sister, her bf, my dad, my step-mom, my cousin and me. I didn't tell my dad what had happened, but I ask if O can come along. And he allows it, if my sister can have someone, why not? We eat dinner, and have a good time. We went paddle boating and it was really nice.

I know that I let her back into my life, but I felt like she was in a bad place and that it would be wrong of me not to help her out in a time of weakness. She called me up the other day freaked out that she could be getting bad test results, the doctor had called when she stepped out and didn't call back. She calls again a few days later freaking out that she may not be able to see her bf that weekend (he lives a few hours away) and she would be so upset if she couldn't see him. She tells me things like "If a guy looks at me, or pays attention to me now (that I'm with him) I just feel guilty, not like anytime before." This is in reference to her cheating on me. Yeah, I know. What a great thing to tell someone you've cheated on. She doesn't get it. *eyeroll* It's beginning to be hard to be friends with her. And yet I don't feel like her friend most of the time. I still feel like her gf. She treats me nearly the same. Which is horrible. She never really treated me like I deserved to be treated.

And I know that I'm rambling on. But I have one last thing to update about. My sister. She snuck out a few nights ago and (her bf's sister was driving), they got pulled over for a broken tail light. Which ended up in the sister getting two tickets, one for the tail light, and one for not having her liscence (only a permit). And my sister now has a blemish on her record because she was out past curfew. She's grounded for the next 25 days. No phone, computer, or friends. There is a lot of goddamn tension in my house atm. *sigh*


Fiona Rosge's picture

my advise

We'll besides the fight and the ticket none of it sounds that bad...I mean it all seems pretty innocent. Friends can ask friends to do things with each other. Hell I told this girl I had a crush on her last year and either she forgot or doesn't care and now we hang out all the time. The pool was closed last weekend so we sat in my pool instead, and were are both lesbians, no. big. deal. I did it with Sandy too. and we just talked...thats it. So the pride thing, no biggie your just hanging out at a gay thing with a friend. Thats it.

And as for O, well I would try to be there for her as much as you can if that is what you want considering what is happening with her sister. If she isn't kissing you...then you guys arn't dating again. Just friends, and from the sound of it she does seem to want anything more from you. So if you think you can let the friendship happen, well then so be it.

And as for your sister, well it was just a dumb mistake and things will calm down.
Come Josephine in my flying machine
Going up she goes up she goes
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes there she goes
Up, up, a little bit higher
Oh, my, the moon is on fire