I'm so sick of this. I'm ready to leave, I really REALLY don't want to live here anymore. I'd much rather just live on my own, which I know would be harder, but being in this environment isn't doing me ANY good. I'm crying out of frustration right now...I'm just so sick of the ignorance in this house. Who the fuck buys a $25 bottle of booze when all you have is $30 for the next 5 days and you need fucking groceries?! Like wtf? I'm so sick of his ignorance. And what about me and my mom, you know we might have needed some, you know, food to eat. AND that money was MY money from the school to pay me back for the money I spent on transportation to get there the past fucking 2 weeks.
I got the check on Friday and then yesterday I was looking forward to going with my mom to the store to get some buns and meat (This is sad when what would be a normal everyday food becomes like a special food that you can only afford once or twice a week) and some chips and she could buy whatever groceries she needed. But then I wake up around 11am on Saturday and me and my mom head out and THEN she tells me I need to take out the $10 I have left in the bank because, my dad spent the money I gave them the day before on a bottle of booze, oh and here comes the best part, his reason for spending what little we have : because he's gone a whole 2 weeks without any, oh right so he totally deserved it, poor him for going without. FIRST of FUCKING all he did NOT go without. Wednesday this week my sister came by and he persuaded her to go out and buy a case of beer because she was looking for some...so she bought a case of 24 and had a few before she left and he had the REST!!! AND I'm pretty sure he had a bottle of liquor at some point the week before, I'm quite certain...he never goes without. And his new friend, whom my mom doesn't trust or like, gave him a cooler or some shit as well this week.
So don't fucking cry me a river about how you go without...this is what happens when you don't have a job, you have very little money and you have to go without the "extras", I know that why the fuck don't you? I mean really, you're the adult, why don't you go try and get a job instead of putting it off? Why are you depending on other people and why in the hell are you taking my money that I get from the school? You should know that I'm not gonna put up with it for much longer...I'm getting to the end of my rope. And if I'm going to be going to school in September for at least 6 months I'm sure as hell ain't putting up with you taking the money I get from the school. Or taking any of money at all.
Just piss off, please.
Oh, and here's something else in the same realm that's stressing me out. My sister is doing my income tax forms so I can get the GST credit because I've never done them before. So, I should have a pretty nice sum of money coming some time in the summer, which I really need for new clothes(I need clothes period), shoes, school supplies for next year, and if I get enough I really need a new computer tower and the office programs. So, basically I should be getting hundreds of dollars and I'm afraid that he'll just take it bit by bit, you know, cry poor and I'll be forced to give him some of my money and it'll all go to waste on his addictions and his lazyness. I really don't want to see that happen seeing as it's MY money and I really do need it for school and everything. I'm so sick of living under the stress that any money I make I won't be able to use for myself...or if I want to spend it on myself I have to spend it all right away before he can get his hands on it.
And if you're thinking "oh, you can just tell him no he can't have any money" Pfft yeah right do you know how much trouble that would cause? He'd call me names and tell me how I'm so ungrateful because they let me live here and never charged me rent or never made me go get a job...and bring up all this old crap. Which is true that they let me live here rent free and never forced me to get a job, but I think I've been a pretty good kid over the years and never caused any major trouble for them and they've taken so much money from me it's unfair. Just one example : My grandfather left me $3,000 when he died, this was somewhere around when I was in grade 9. I got to spend around $200 of it on a new bike and I got a pair of shoes....the rest of it they spent. Fair? No, and they never told me they spent it but I've always known it, I'm not stupid, never was...but what the hell am I gonna do as a kid? You know? And I never bring these things up, never, I'm not out to be an asshole who brings up things that happened years ago. But when they are happening again and again, and you're older and you need to look out for yourself because this is the beginning of my future, I've gotta make a life for myself. I don't want to struggle with money the way that they always have. And they didn't struggle because they didn't make enough money, they mostly struggled because of bad choices (loans, credit cards, new van, addictions, overspending, ect.). I don't want that. I wish that he'd just get his act together and get a steady job or something because I'm getting really sick of paying for his choices, mistakes, and addictions. REALLY sick.
If you read this thanks :) It felt so amazingly good to get this stuff off my chest. I'm no longer crying and although I'm still pissed off and upset I feel like I have some choices to make to get myself out of this situation. I refuse to let him take anymore of the money I deserve to have.