Hello to members of this forum.
Right now I’m seeking advice, to begin with let me just say I have nothing against gay people what so ever. I work / go to college with gay individuals who are great (and friends of mine).
Problem is I’m having doubts over my own sexuality.
I’m 19 - male, I suffer with social anxiety on a small degree (I struggle with social events and talking to new people) - this has defiantly hampered me in discovering who I am.
Just to clarify I’m also a virgin with no real partners – I also have no pressure to be straight from any external enteritis
I don’t quite understand where this all stemmed from but 2 years ago, I suddenly doubted my own sexuality and was thrown into a mental battle with my self - resulting in depression in allot of cases.
Now I don’t find men attractive, sexually arousing or anything as such... but I can’t shake the feeling I’m gay for what ever reason.
When I’m flipping though a magazine I sometimes see an image of a male model; I have to look away quickly due to the pressure inside my head it feels like someone is crushing my brain. I’m instantly thrown into doubts over my sexuality; it’s very hard to explain.
Now I’m sure everyone has dabbled into a little bit of pornography. Lately I have found an interest in shemales; I don’t know why as 3 or so years ago the idea would be a palm off and of cause this hasn’t helped my anxiety one bit !
Being gay I know isn’t a choice, but it’s also not who I am.
I have always found women to be my preference, but I don’t know why I feel like I am changing all of a sudden. Its making me drained mentally.
Any clues as to what might be going on?
Is it possible I have developed a fear of being gay – even though I’m not ?
And please don’t refer to any religious cures as I read all over the internet, I’m an atheist... a strong one at that.
I have decided if I do turn out to be gay - I’m going to live without a partner and avoid sexual contact as it just isn’t who I am and, I know it isn’t.