Seeking advice - The mental battle.

ooopppaaa12's picture

Hello to members of this forum.

Right now I’m seeking advice, to begin with let me just say I have nothing against gay people what so ever. I work / go to college with gay individuals who are great (and friends of mine).

Problem is I’m having doubts over my own sexuality.
I’m 19 - male, I suffer with social anxiety on a small degree (I struggle with social events and talking to new people) - this has defiantly hampered me in discovering who I am.
Just to clarify I’m also a virgin with no real partners – I also have no pressure to be straight from any external enteritis

I don’t quite understand where this all stemmed from but 2 years ago, I suddenly doubted my own sexuality and was thrown into a mental battle with my self - resulting in depression in allot of cases.
Now I don’t find men attractive, sexually arousing or anything as such... but I can’t shake the feeling I’m gay for what ever reason.
When I’m flipping though a magazine I sometimes see an image of a male model; I have to look away quickly due to the pressure inside my head it feels like someone is crushing my brain. I’m instantly thrown into doubts over my sexuality; it’s very hard to explain.

Now I’m sure everyone has dabbled into a little bit of pornography. Lately I have found an interest in shemales; I don’t know why as 3 or so years ago the idea would be a palm off and of cause this hasn’t helped my anxiety one bit !

Being gay I know isn’t a choice, but it’s also not who I am.
I have always found women to be my preference, but I don’t know why I feel like I am changing all of a sudden. Its making me drained mentally.
Any clues as to what might be going on?

Is it possible I have developed a fear of being gay – even though I’m not ?

And please don’t refer to any religious cures as I read all over the internet, I’m an atheist... a strong one at that.

I have decided if I do turn out to be gay - I’m going to live without a partner and avoid sexual contact as it just isn’t who I am and, I know it isn’t.

Merric's picture

hmm...

Some people speculate that sexuality is fluid and can change over time, e.g. a woman who previously dated only men can suddenly be attracted to a woman or vice versa.

Before you say, "it just isn't who I am," wait a while and try to get a better feel for it. I mean, I always thought, this word "gay," this isn't me. I'm just myself. And then I gradually started to get used to it.
You don't have to be flaming to be gay (or bi, for that matter; that's always a possibility).

If you really don't find any men attractive, you're probably not gay (but being gay doesn't mean you would be attracted to every guy you see).
But you should probably try to figure out where this fear/idea is coming from, like what is the cause of this pressure in your head at the sight of a male model? Usually, straight people don't sit around questioning their sexuality.