So, this is the first time I posted here and stuff... I decided to come here because I need some advice and to vent or something. I tend to ramble a lot, so this is probably going to end up being the longest post in the history of the internet. I apologize. I also probably sound so dumb in this, but it's late at night, I'm extremely frustrated by my Nintendo DS, and teen angst ahoy! (I am a high school student. ...Unfortunately. I hope everyone else isn't like, twice my age. x_x)
This past school year, I met this really amazing girl, and we pretty much immediately clicked. She was in all of my classes, and we first started talking to each other thanks to my English teacher making us do a project together at the way beginning of the year. After that, we sat together in about two or three of our classes and would talk every day. She would defend me or help me change the subject whenever someone made fun of me, which happened a lot.
Possibly my favorite memory ever of her was back in November/December when one of our ultra-conservative teachers brought up Prop 8. It brought a mean person to start making comments, but after class, I was talking to my friend (the amazing girl, in case this is hard to follow...) and she started talking about how homophobia is stupid and stuff like that. I live in a very homophobic area, so this was a big deal.
In January or so, we started getting closer, and I started doing stuff like hugging her and touching her when I talk to her (and not realizing it), which is rare for me because I don't like physical contact from most people. A bunch of people noticed and started giving me hell over it. It upset me a lot, because I did begin to really think I liked her. I realized it for real when she was sick one day, and I couldn't bear the thought of it; I just wanted to skip school and go take care of her and and and... Anyway.
I think she knew/knows about it, possibly. And she gives me mixed signs. :( She had a boyfriend for a little while and talked about guys, but she would also occasionally talk about girls, and one time she purposely showed me up her skirt. And she is never weirded out when I flirt with her. In fact, sometimes I suspect that she likes it.
So, fast forward to the last week of school. Everyone is busy reviewing for finals. I was attempting to concentrate on stupid, stupid math, which goes smoothly until she told me she is being made to go back to her old school. She is NOT happy about having to go back, and neither is anyone else because pretty much everyone was friends with her. I started crying, but I turned so she couldn't see. It was even more upsetting because all of my really good friends are going away, and this was just icing on the cake. Later that day, I decided I just couldn't stand it, so I ran up to her and gave her a big hug and told her I'd miss her so much. She hugged me and said she'd miss me too.
School's out now. It's been out for a few weeks. I feel really bad that I've only talked to her a few times, but I don't want to seem annoying. But when we do talk, it's usually for a good length of time, like an hour or so. I talked to her earlier this week, and she seemed really excited to hear from me, told me she missed me, things like that. So, we were supposed to see each other this week, but she was kind of busy because of having to work at some thing with little kids, so she told me she'd have to see about it. I sent her a text a couple days ago asking if she could come or not, and she never responded. x( I don't know why... She said she wanted to see me! She said she misses me! So, I don't understand?
If anyone read all this, they get my undying respect. I ramble waaay too much. D: