This is probably a pretty common subject here, but I am confused sexually

ConfusedInLife's picture

Ok, well, lets start at the begining:
For the past two years now, I have been crushing on this girl in my grade. Before then, it hadn't even crossed my mind that I would be anything other than straight. Now I have no clue. I know I'm probably not fully gay, but I may not be fully straight either. The thing is, I've never had another 'real' crush, boy or girl, so it's confusing. She was in drama, so I had been seeing her after school and around a lot. Though we are not friends, she's pleasant enough when we do speak. (Though I usually get so nervous that it's a little short. :) ) And I've been dreaming of her. If that wasn't weird. But it probably really isn't. Sorry for rambling. And before you ask, yes I do feel both emotionally and physically attracted to her. Oh ya, she's straight.

So now, even though I'm not pursuing this in any way shape or form, I have been questioning my sexuality. I've found myself more interested in girl on girl stuff, and looking out for gay issues. I was already supportive of my one gay friend, and in my school's GSA as an Ally, but even there I haven't felt comfortable talking about this. Both my parents are open minded and stuff, so that isn't a problem, but anyway, I'm just confused.

I know I probably need more life experience to figure this out, but I've been confused, and I guess just needed to get this out there. Thank you for taking the time to read through this seemingly long ramble. If you have tips or advice, or need clarification on anything, please comment.

bulldyke's picture

first off, welcome to oasis.

first off, welcome to oasis. :D this is an awesome place, with some awesome people, who are all here to help.

most all of us have been there, so rest assured, it's perfectly normal. confusing as hell, but normal.

sexuality is a spectrum. at one end is attraction to the other sex, at the other, is attraction to the same sex. most people, in fact, the vast majority, don't fall at either extreme. most will have at least some small fantasy about the same, or the opposite, sex at some point in their life.

bisexuality, of course, is anything that falls in between the two extremes. it sounds like you're somewhere in the middle, and that's totally normal.

just because you've never had a crush on a guy doesn't mean you're totally gay, nor does it mean you're not. it just means that, if you ARE attracted to guys at all, you haven't found the right one.

my aunt is bi....she's been with the same woman for over 30 years now. we live in CA...they were one of the couples who sued for gay marriage rights, and they finally got married last october. but before that, she was married to a guy, who she was happy with (well, at times, anyway, lol).

so, my best advice is to just go with it. we've ALL crushed on a straight person before....it's just the luck of the draw. in a room of ten people, only one will be gay. just by sheer averages, there's gonna be some straight people we're attracted to. it sucks, it hurts, but if it doesn't work out with her, you'll get over it. it just takes time.

definitly keep writing here; it helps more than i could say. there's a lot of confused kids here, so i'm sure you're going to fit right in. :)

Bulldyke
to see a world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour

~William Blake

tenmilestilts's picture

hey confusedinlife, i'm one

hey confusedinlife, i'm one of the confused kids bulldyke mentioned. =) i've been on oasis for a few weeks now and i'm already feeling more comfortable about it. it's hard not knowing for sure, sometimes feeling one way, sometimes feeling the other. (eg, having a crush on a guy and a girl at the same time, but feeling different about each of them, so you're not sure if you *actually* have a crush on them...) if you ever need someone to talk to i'm here for ya! PM me whenever.

oh and you should talk to your gay friend. he/she would probably be really glad you confided in them and even though all us oasisers (or whatever you wanna call us) are good to talk to it's always nice to talk to someone real.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

bulldyke's picture

must of us use the term

must of us use the term oasians. :P

Bulldyke
to see a world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour

~William Blake

lamb_da's picture

haha...

just had an asian moment...o! asian moment...:)
it's ok...i'm asian! so it's not really that racist...right?

ConfusedInLife's picture

Thank you! And I know, it's

Thank you! And I know, it's just confusing right now, but I'm not gonna be seeing her after this summer, (college) so I know I'll get over it. It just takes time, like you said. And yes, this seems like a great community here, I hope to continue posting.

the ghost's picture

Hi there, and welcome to

Hi there, and welcome to Oasis. A lot of people will say labels don't help when trying to figure out your sexuality, because you don't want to be boxed in as one thing or another, but I find it does actually help to have a label as I feel it gives you a little clarity yourself.

From reading your post I think you can safely cross straight off the list, because I don't think any straight people ever sit around wondering if they are straight. So that leaves either bi or lesbian.

I don't think anyone can tell you which one you are, it is sort of something you need to explore for yourself. But I will say from reading your post, it sounds like something I could have written myself when I was trying to figure out my sexuality. I had crushes on other girls, but never really a crush on any guys. For a while I thought I was bi and I proceeded like that, but honestly several years on since I started questioning my sexuality, I can still say I have never had any crushes on guys. So now I would consider myself a lesbian. But if I did happen to fall for a guy I would be ok with that too.

So basically what I am trying to say is, ok for the moment you know you are attracted to girls, why not explore this? See where it takes you? If you are not 100% sure whether you like guys, you could say you are bi or bi-curious. Follow your heart and who you are attracted to and you will figure things out. Good luck, hope this helps.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

ConfusedInLife's picture

BookWorm, thank you! And

BookWorm, thank you! And yes, sounds similar to me! :D and I think I will consider talking to them. I'm sure they would be supportive. So ya, thanks to everyone for your support!

And Ghost, ya, you're right, no real 'straight' person is going to even question. XD And what you say makes sense. Thanks.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

You like a girl... so where's the confusion? That part is solid.

The part that is confusing you is when you try and predict the future. So, skip that, and you'll be fine.

If you find a girl, like her, and you actually pick one that's into girls, and you start dating, and you get married, and have kids... it doesn't much matter if that's bisexuality or being lesbian.

The confusion is labeling things, not your desires. And you don't really have to pick a label. Let other people label you, or label yourself in hindsight. It's far more accurate that way.

---
"People who are happy are slugs... They do not move the human race forward."
-- Camille Paglia, on Oasis

fox333's picture

I see no one has given you

I see no one has given you hugs or flower and since I really don't have anything to add *hugs* *flowers*

Human101's picture

Lol everyone forgot to point

Lol everyone forgot to point out the sexuality where your attracted to no gender at all.

Siovampire's picture

the way i look at it, i dont

the way i look at it, i dont think you should label yourself at all. I mean, if you feel it's necessary, then you could try the bisexual label. but honestly, you're just you.

typicalmusician's picture

As I've said before....I

As I've said before....I like the label "queer". I know it may be a touchy word for some, but it's a nice catch-all if you aren't sure where you're headed. And it's also very comforting for me to embrace being bi, because I don't torture myself about liking my non-preferred gender...there isn't one! haha :)

ConfusedInLife's picture

Why, thank you Fox for the

Why, thank you Fox for the hugs and flowers! They are appreciated!
And you're right Human. Thanks for mentioning it. Thank you, Sio and Musician. I haven't had the urge to label myself all that much, It's really just for personal benefit at the moment. I want to be 100% sure before or if I come out as anything, and that will probably take a few years yet, to really sort myself out. For now I'm just living my life how I want. And this site has helped me do that! Thanks guys!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

ConfusedInLife's picture

Why, thank you Fox for the

Why, thank you Fox for the hugs and flowers! They are appreciated!
And you're right Human. Thanks for mentioning it. Thank you, Sio and Musician. I haven't had the urge to label myself all that much, It's really just for personal benefit at the moment. I want to be 100% sure before or if I come out as anything, and that will probably take a few years yet, to really sort myself out. For now I'm just living my life how I want. And this site has helped me do that! Thanks guys!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

ConfusedInLife's picture

Why, thank you Fox for the

Why, thank you Fox for the hugs and flowers! They are appreciated!
And you're right Human. Thanks for mentioning it. Thank you, Sio and Musician. I haven't had the urge to label myself all that much, It's really just for personal benefit at the moment. I want to be 100% sure before or if I come out as anything, and that will probably take a few years yet, to really sort myself out. For now I'm just living my life how I want. And this site has helped me do that! Thanks guys!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

ConfusedInLife's picture

Why, thank you Fox for the

Why, thank you Fox for the hugs and flowers! They are appreciated!
And you're right Human. Thanks for mentioning it. Thank you, Sio and Musician. I haven't had the urge to label myself all that much, It's really just for personal benefit at the moment. I want to be 100% sure before or if I come out as anything, and that will probably take a few years yet, to really sort myself out. For now I'm just living my life how I want. And this site has helped me do that! Thanks guys!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

ConfusedInLife's picture

HUGS!

Why, thank you Fox for the hugs and flowers! -hugs back-
And you're right Human. Thanks for mentioning it. Thank you, Sio and Musician. I haven't had the urge to label myself all that much, It's really just for personal benefit at the moment. I want to be 100% sure before or if I come out as anything, and that will probably take a few years yet, to really sort myself out. For now I'm just living my life how I want. And this site has helped me do that! Thanks guys!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

tenmilestilts's picture

Um...

I think your computer is confused.
---
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do!

ConfusedInLife's picture

uh-oh.

O.O; uh.....ya. -laughs- just noticed this. Whoops!!

"You are what you are when no one is looking."
- Robert C. Edwards

fox333's picture

*hugs* again!

*hugs* again!

the mouse that roared's picture

I do know some ultimately

I do know some ultimately straight people that wondered if they were actually straight for a while. It does happen. But if you're hardcore emotionally and physically crushing on a girl, it's unlikely you're straight... as Jeff says, who knows? The important thing is the attraction (and acceptance of it). The label is what you do with it, how you choose to play your identity politics.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. --Anais Nin

joemondragon's picture

I fall somewhere between

I fall somewhere between what everyone here has said. I suggest you throw labels out for now and just live your life; but when you come out, you are inevitably going to need to fill in the blank: "Mom, I'm _______." And there is no rush to find what goes in that blank. So take it easy, figure everything out for yourself, then decide where to go from there.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris