toxic.

Icarus's picture

she texted me this morning. i jokingly replied, "Good to see you're alive, lol."

she replies, "yeah, i nearly died of alcohol poisoning."

and she was so seemingly goddamn flippant about it. "oh yeah, i almost died, i was throwing up for over twelve hours, no big deal!"

and she wonders why i worry about her. i can't lose another person, especially not her. but at the same time, i wonder where this is going. not even in a "maybe we'll hook up" sense, but in a "can i even be friends with this person?" sense.

i just want her to be....sober i guess. i like her when she's sober. she's coherent when she's sober. she's funny when she's sober. i don't even understand the need to drink anyway. in the dark recesses of the "valid points i'd rather not hear" part of my soul, voices arise whispering, "maybe she doesn't like who she is sober. maybe she wants to forget about the reality she faces. etc...."

it scares me.

i sure can pick 'em.

Comments

Merric's picture

sad : (

And kind of scary.
She has to know that would worry you, no matter how flippant she seemed.
Maybe if you tell her you like her better when she's sober (if you haven't already). I don't know.

Icarus's picture

i don't either. i'm keeping

i don't either. i'm keeping my distance right now until i can get a better hold on my emotions so i don't fuck it up.

but yeah, i'm pretty sure she told me because i would be worried.

so for those of you falling in love
keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right
throw yourself in the midst of danger
and keep one eye open at night.
--"Elephants" Rachel Yamagata